How do You Feel About Aging?

Featured in the Lakeshore Weekly News

I’ve heard certain individuals say they embrace it and that they aren’t fighting it one bit. I’m not that individual. Truly, I wish I was someone who embraced wrinkles, and gray hair, but I’m not.

Now, there might be a point where I do embrace it. I love how my 86 year old Grandmother looks. She has beautiful white hair, an amazing smile and is always surrounded by young men at a party. Her name is BettyWebster and she lives on the Big Island of Hawaii. She recently became a Guinness Book of World Records holder for having the largest collection of novelty sunglasses in the world. She also still competes in Hula competitions. 

Betty Webster of Waimea Hawaii

My grandmother has an incredible personality and love of fun. She still spends New Year’s Eve in Vegas, while I’m usually asleep by 10:30pm. I’ve learned a lot from her when it comes to truly living. I’m not a late night person, but I do rock an afternoon party.

My Grandma at a party surrounded by no less than 6 young admirers 

My grandmother also takes good care of herself and has for years, making regular trips to the “beauty parlor” as she still calls it. She has her own secrets to looking and feeling fabulous. A big one is she practices self-care.  She puts the time in to taking good care of herself mentally and physically.

Self-care is a concept I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. After going through my surgery and cancer scare a few months ago, I’ve been paying more attention to what I put in and on my body.

Foods, chemicals and toxins can all affect our hormone balances and therefore our moods and lives. I’ve wanted to find a way to maintain my appearance, but in a way that won’t harm my body.

Therese Thull at Untainted in Excelsior creates a line of skincare products that are natural and non-toxic. I found her line and loved it. She introduced me to Beauty Ecology Organic Salon in Wayzata. They have the latest technology in skincare but use only organic, non-toxic products.

Recently I had my first Organic Facial at Beauty Ecology. It was amazing! Taylor Ignoffo was my aesthetician. She curated my facial to fit my needs. My biggest complaint was wrinkles and dry skin.

Ignoffo gave me what is called a Bio Lift. It stimulates cells and educates muscles using a variety of frequencies, basically tightening and lifting.  As a 46 year old woman the words “tighten and lift” are music to my ears.

I’m in the middle of a series of Bio Lifts, you can get 6-8 for the best results. It is like getting a mini facelift, but with no surgery or toxic chemicals. My skin feels tight, I’m already seeing results and I’m thrilled.

The owner of Beauty Ecology is Kassandra Kuel. She is very involved with the formulating of the products they use. I had a few conversations with her about what they do and I realized something.

I realized that the cliché saying “Age is a state of mind.” is actually true! After my first facial and bio lift I felt great and it increased my confidence.  I saw myself differently even though the change to my face was very subtle.  

Taking the time to do something for myself, which made me feel good, but was also good for me was what I needed. Aging, wrinkles, gray hair, those aren’t the culprits. Loosing confidence and a zest for life, that is the culprit when it comes to aging.

Coloring my gray away and caring for my skin are things that I do to take care of myself. Having or not having wrinkles or gray hair is not what will make me happy. Feeling confident, working towards new goals, practicing self care, those are things that affect my quality of life.

First photo is after one bio lift and organic facial second picture after the 2nd

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to stop coloring my gray or getting Bio Lift Facials.  Through an organic experience, I’ve come to realize that these things are what I do for myself. When I do things for myself, I’m a happier, whole person.

What I’ve come to realize is I’m not fighting the aging process, I’m caring for myself. I’d like what I have to last another 50 years. That takes maintenance and self-care. I’m happy I’ve found a way to do it that is good for my body and also the environment.  Who knows, maybe one day I’ll join my Grandmother for a New Year’s Eve in Vegas.

How Do You Define What a Family Is?

Featured in the Sun Sailor

Today’s modern family looks different than it did even several years ago. We have same sex parents, straight parents, step-parents, adoptive parents, grandparents and more, who make up a family in a household.

I’m divorced with three adult children. I live with my love Tony who has two young children, who I’m very involved in raising. We have his boys 50% of the time. Tony and I are not married, nor do we have plans to get married. We are a family and have been for a little over three years.

Tony and I on a recent adventure in Mexico

It takes time, work, patience and acceptance to blend a family. It was an adjustment for the young children, for my older children and for all of the adults involved in raising them. All in all I’m proud of the job we have done and continue to do. 

With all of our kids, even who took a baseball to the mouth

Over time the boys came to me and asked if they could say I was their step-mom because at times it was easier to explain who I was to friends and teachers. They said that I was so much more than their dad’s girlfriend, even if we weren’t married. Since then they have introduced me as their “Bonus mom” or “Step-mom” or just as “Natalie.” I refer to them as my “Bonus kids” or “Step-kids”. They are fine with either. Regardless of labels we know we are a family.

When we have the boys I coordinate their schedules, and work my work schedule around them. We made the decision to design our lives so that one of us, and as often as possible both of us can be with the boys when we have them. I couldn’t be more dedicated to these kids if they were of my own blood. My grown children equally adore them as does my family.

On school forms or sports forms you have to check a box to explain your relationship to the child. There is no “Dad’s girlfriend” or “Bonus mom” box so we always put step-mom. It’s also how I introduce myself to their teachers. Trust me when I tell you school officials don’t take “Dad’s girlfriend” as seriously as they do “Step-mom.”

We had an incident recently where one of the kids was sick at school. The number to call is mine because I’m easier to reach during the day than their dad.  The school nurse on duty refused to tell me what was going on because I was “Not a real parent.” That is what she kept saying to me, “I need to speak to a real parent.” She said, “You are not a real parent.”

This is after I explained that not only was I their step-mom but I was on the emergency contact form. If you have kids in the Minnetonka District, you know there is an area online called CareDox that we fill out for emergency contact information etc.

Now, If I were not listed as an emergency contact I would not fault the school nurse on duty for not communicating with me. What I would fault her for is being incredibly rude. She actually hung up on me when I was mid-sentence explaining again that I was not just a “Real parent”, but an emergency contact.

I called her back and let her that regardless of what was going on, I did not appreciate being hung up on. I point blank told her she was rude.  I then went online to the CareDox forms, took a screen shot of the form that showed I was listed as an emergency contact and emailed it to the school.

Shortly after I received a call from a different school nurse saying they didn’t check CareDox because they were still using an old system. They allowed me to pick up my step-son who was sick.

There isn’t much that rattles me, but that incident left me bothered. First off, I was listed as an emergency contact authorized to pick up the child. The error in missing that on the school’s part is one thing, but what truly bothered me was that this woman thought it was okay to tell me I was not a “real parent.”

I wonder how she defines who and what a parent is? I have designed my life and schedule around these kids. I take care of them, live with them. I work with them on homework, sports, life lessons etc. All the things I did for and with my biological children.

The boys themselves will tell you I’m a parent as would their mom and dad.  Their mom and I coordinate everything for the boys. A blended family is a team effort, one that sometimes comes with issues as does any family. It isn’t always easy, but at the end of the day we are doing this together and I appreciate the efforts of all of the adults involved.

I’m not letting one person’s unenlightened view of what a parent or family is define our family. I’m sharing about it with the hope of shedding light on the fact that families today come in all different shapes and sizes.

Charles Dickens said it well, “Family not only need to consist of merely those whom we share blood, but also for those whom we’d give blood.”

Imperfectly Yours, 

Natalie

You Want to Stick What in my Ear and Set it on Fire?

Have you heard of Ear Candling? Long story short, you put a hollow ear candle in your ear, the other end is lit. Wax and debris is said to be removed form the ear through the process.

In the alternative medicine community there are many benefits given for doing it. The scientific community says it's a bunch of hogwash. Though, these same scientific minds once believed Earth was the only planet with water, which we know today is not true.

It sounded like something fun to try, plus it seemed like a great trust exercise to let my partner stick a candle in my ear, then set fire to it, then letting me do the same to him. I saw it as a modern day trust fall. After a quick trip to Lakewinds Co-Op in Chanhassen, we had our candles.

My hearing hasn't been the greatest over the last few years. I've also developed vertigo. It seems I have a harder time hearing lower tones. Unfortunately this has often meant I don't always hear my man when he is speaking to me, but not looking at me.

Now this is trust!

After a few inches of the candle burns down, you cut the top off then push out what is said to be ear wax. I say said to be, because some believe the debris that is there is not from your ear but from the candle itself.

I didn't have huge expectations, but loved the idea of possibly sucking crap out of my ear.

When I was done getting my treatment I asked my partner in candling and life what the humming noise was. He said it was the humidifier that is one everyday in our bedroom. I had NEVER heard that sound before.

It surprised me so much that I started to cry, wondering what else I wasn't hearing. We went outside and a plane going overhead was louder than I've ever heard it. I could also hear him as he spoke to me while walking away, which before I often couldn't.

Again, I can't say with 100% certainty that the guck that came out of my candle was ear wax, but I can tell you I could hear much better after, surprisingly so. I would totally do it again.

Warning: The image that follows is graphic and gross, if it is indeed crap that was in my ear. If you don't want to see it, don't scroll down. Proceed at your own risk.

Ear wax, debris or candle wax?

Imperfectly Yours,
Natalie

Stop Your Whining. You Aren't Being Chased by a Dinosaur

Featured in the Lakeshore Weekly News

Despite the technology that exists to make our lives easier than ever, we are running around and stressing ourselves out more than we ever have. How could this be in an age when we can pay bills in minutes through an app on our phone, without needing to write out checks, address envelopes etc?

We no longer need to go to the library to research how to build a chicken shed, we can google it. When we want to find a good restaurant, we don’t need to call 5 friends we turn to Yelp or Open Table.  No one in our community is walking three miles up hill in the snow to get to school.

So why is it that I’m seeing friends, family and community members more stressed out than ever? We do not live in a world where we need to out-run dinosaurs on Water Street in Excelsior. We aren’t having to hunt and farm as our only food source in Chanhassen, nor are we dying of infections which modern antibiotics can cure, or fresh water our of taps in our households can prevent.

Try explaining to the starving, dying people in a third world country with no modern medicine or fresh water, why countless numbers of Americans are dying of obesity.

Try explaining to children playing kick the rusty can in the dirty streets of Calcutta how stressed out you are about having to run three kids around in your SUV to three different sporting events on the same day.

I’m guilty of this, so know that I’m not judging anyone. If anything I’m writing this as a reminder to myself of how thankful and appreciative I should be to live in the world I live in today.

Recently I had strep, which is no fun for a child, but is a full blown nightmare for an adult. Thankfully I was able to walk into Target, get a strep test and a prescription for antibiotics. I was also able to pick up over the counter medicine to help keep me comfortable. Can you imagine living in a world (as many do) with no access to medical care or modern medicine for something like strep, or the flu?

Most of us don’t have unlimited financial resources, but we are still much more privileged than most of the world. I drove the same car for ten years. Many will never own a car.

I found myself getting overly annoyed with the geese in our yard. I live on the dang water! Many people would trade places with me if it meant putting up with pesky geese that crap in the yard.

I’m not saying we have no right to ever be upset or stressed. I’m saying I think many of us have lost or let slip away what is truly important. What sometimes slams that home to us is loosing someone close to us, or knowing someone dealing with a terminal illness. Now those are problems.

Having your nail technician running 15 minutes late is not a problem. Having to wait 20 minutes to be seated at your favorite restaurant is not a problem or a reason to get in a huff.  Having your child not get the lead in the school play is not a problem.  Your child not having the latest iPhone is not a problem.

A child who doesn’t have a winter coat, that is a problem. An individual without access to needed medical care, that is a problem. A mother having to choose between feeding her children or keeping the lights on, that is a problem.

These are problems we have in and around our own community. This is why we need to continue to support organizations like ResourceWest and the ICA Food Shelf.

This is why we need to check ourselves the next time we are complaining about how stressed we are because we are leaving on vacation to Hawaii in four days and just can’t get everything done.

The next time you are feeling overwhelmed and you feel the need to complain or whine ask yourself, do I have a safe place to sleep, healthy food to eat and friends and family who love me, am I being chased by a dinosaur? If you have those things and a T-Rex is not on your heels, sit down shut up and bask in the glow of everything you are grateful for.

Imperfectly Yours,

Natalie

Are You Part of the Problem, Or the Solution?

Featured in the Lakeshore Weekly News

As a child my mother instilled in me a way of thinking when it came to problem solving. More accurately, it was a point of view of gratitude for what I had and an assuming of responsibility for something I brought up as a problem.

As a child and into young adulthood I learned that complaining about a problem doesn’t get you anywhere.  In my household it could make matters worse. If I said to my mother, “I don’t like what’s for dinner.” Her response would be along the lines of, “You know who would appreciate that dinner, children who are truly hungry. What do you suggest YOU do about it?”

My mother didn’t appreciated complaints about an inconvenience or being presented with a problem with no solution or suggestion on how to solve it.  What she wanted from me was for me to take some responsibility for anything I complained about, or to not bring it up until I could or would be able to solve it.

If I didn’t like what was for dinner the correct way of handling would be for me to say, “Mom thank you for making this liver for us. Would it be alright if I made myself a hot dog to eat?” This communicated that I didn’t like liver, which she knew but made anyways, but it also provided a solution for my predicament while expressing gratitude. I wasn’t asking my mother to solve it for me. It didn’t matter than I was 9 years old.

My mother stressed the need for me to understand the difference between an inconvenience and an actual problem.  Complaining about an inconvenience is a way of confirming your lack of gratitude. Complaining about a true problem with no offer to solve it, is being part of the problem. As my mother always said, “If you are only going to be part of the problem, best to keep your mouth shut.”

Let’s take the upgrading of the parking meters in Excelsior as an example. The existing meters only take quarters, so you have to hunt for quarters and then return to feed the meter once your time expires.  The new meters will take credit cards and also be able to be fed via an app on your phone, so you don’t need to return to your car or boat.

Now, the cost per hour of these meters is going up quite a bit. The money goes into a general fund for the City of Excelsior, which is where they get the money to maintain area parks like The Commons.

Personally I don’t often use the meters to park my car in Excelsior.  In my two-decades of living in the area, I’ve always found free parking in downtown Excelsior, within at least two blocks of where I need to be.

What I do use the meters for is when we boat into town. Boat meters will be the most expensive meters. Do I want to pay several dollars more when we dock the boat to go into town? No, I don’t, but I will gladly pay it for the convenience the new meters provide and because the money helps to maintain the Excelsior Commons, which I love.

Am I going to complain about having to pay 5-10 more dollars to dock at the Excelsior docks? No, I’m not. Mainly because I am fortunate to even have access to a boat, to live where I do and to have the free time to boat on Lake Minnetonka.  Also, I don’t have a solution for the problem the city is trying to solve by increasing the fees.  

How ungrateful and privileged would it sound to hear someone complain and say “I’m really upset that I have to pay a few dollars more to park my boat so that I can enjoy fine dining and shopping in Excelsior.”?

Now, I could join a planning commission or even run for City Council to affect change differently. I’m not going to do any of that, so I will pay what is required and be thankful for what I have.

Sometimes paying for parking is not in our budget. What we do then is park in any of the free spots on Water St, behind the buildings or in the neighborhood.  You know what the busy days are in Excelsior. If you know this and know finding a close spot may take awhile, leave earlier and allow yourself the time to find a free closer spot.

An inconvenience is defined as something that causes trouble or difficulty to your personal requirements or comfort. A problem is something that needs to be dealt with or overcome.

Not finding free parking is an inconvenience not a problem. The inconvenience is solved by planning your time accordingly, or just enjoying the opportunity to walk. You could also join a planning commission or run for City Council so that you can work to find a better solution to the problem the increase in parking fees is trying to overcome.

Sadly we have no shortage of true problems in this world.  Terrorist attacks are a problem. People dying of cancer is a problem, not having a job is a problem. Waiting on a table at a restaurant, not being able to find free parking right where you want it, traffic because there are improvements being done to the roads, these are inconveniences we are fortunate enough to experience. Many in the world, even in our own state would gladly trade places with us.

It’s important to first recognize the difference between an inconvenience and a problem. Next ask yourself if you are going to be part of the solution or part of the problem, then act accordingly.  If you aren’t going to put your shoulder to the wheel to help solve the problem, then take my mother’s advice and keep your mouth shut.