How do You Feel About Aging?

Featured in the Lakeshore Weekly News

I’ve heard certain individuals say they embrace it and that they aren’t fighting it one bit. I’m not that individual. Truly, I wish I was someone who embraced wrinkles, and gray hair, but I’m not.

Now, there might be a point where I do embrace it. I love how my 86 year old Grandmother looks. She has beautiful white hair, an amazing smile and is always surrounded by young men at a party. Her name is BettyWebster and she lives on the Big Island of Hawaii. She recently became a Guinness Book of World Records holder for having the largest collection of novelty sunglasses in the world. She also still competes in Hula competitions. 

Betty Webster of Waimea Hawaii

My grandmother has an incredible personality and love of fun. She still spends New Year’s Eve in Vegas, while I’m usually asleep by 10:30pm. I’ve learned a lot from her when it comes to truly living. I’m not a late night person, but I do rock an afternoon party.

My Grandma at a party surrounded by no less than 6 young admirers 

My grandmother also takes good care of herself and has for years, making regular trips to the “beauty parlor” as she still calls it. She has her own secrets to looking and feeling fabulous. A big one is she practices self-care.  She puts the time in to taking good care of herself mentally and physically.

Self-care is a concept I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. After going through my surgery and cancer scare a few months ago, I’ve been paying more attention to what I put in and on my body.

Foods, chemicals and toxins can all affect our hormone balances and therefore our moods and lives. I’ve wanted to find a way to maintain my appearance, but in a way that won’t harm my body.

Therese Thull at Untainted in Excelsior creates a line of skincare products that are natural and non-toxic. I found her line and loved it. She introduced me to Beauty Ecology Organic Salon in Wayzata. They have the latest technology in skincare but use only organic, non-toxic products.

Recently I had my first Organic Facial at Beauty Ecology. It was amazing! Taylor Ignoffo was my aesthetician. She curated my facial to fit my needs. My biggest complaint was wrinkles and dry skin.

Ignoffo gave me what is called a Bio Lift. It stimulates cells and educates muscles using a variety of frequencies, basically tightening and lifting.  As a 46 year old woman the words “tighten and lift” are music to my ears.

I’m in the middle of a series of Bio Lifts, you can get 6-8 for the best results. It is like getting a mini facelift, but with no surgery or toxic chemicals. My skin feels tight, I’m already seeing results and I’m thrilled.

The owner of Beauty Ecology is Kassandra Kuel. She is very involved with the formulating of the products they use. I had a few conversations with her about what they do and I realized something.

I realized that the cliché saying “Age is a state of mind.” is actually true! After my first facial and bio lift I felt great and it increased my confidence.  I saw myself differently even though the change to my face was very subtle.  

Taking the time to do something for myself, which made me feel good, but was also good for me was what I needed. Aging, wrinkles, gray hair, those aren’t the culprits. Loosing confidence and a zest for life, that is the culprit when it comes to aging.

Coloring my gray away and caring for my skin are things that I do to take care of myself. Having or not having wrinkles or gray hair is not what will make me happy. Feeling confident, working towards new goals, practicing self care, those are things that affect my quality of life.

First photo is after one bio lift and organic facial second picture after the 2nd

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to stop coloring my gray or getting Bio Lift Facials.  Through an organic experience, I’ve come to realize that these things are what I do for myself. When I do things for myself, I’m a happier, whole person.

What I’ve come to realize is I’m not fighting the aging process, I’m caring for myself. I’d like what I have to last another 50 years. That takes maintenance and self-care. I’m happy I’ve found a way to do it that is good for my body and also the environment.  Who knows, maybe one day I’ll join my Grandmother for a New Year’s Eve in Vegas.

Why I Love the Lake Minnetonka Area

Featured in the Sun Sailor

One of the things I love about the Lake Minnetonka area is how close knit the community is. I’m amazed at how many people were born, raised here and are raising their own families here today.

When you spend time in places like Los Angeles or even New York, you meet so many people who live there who are not from there. I was born and raised in Hawaii, but here I am today living in Excelsior, Minnesota.  

I’ve been a Lake Minnetonka resident for 23 years now. My family in Hawaii is still perplexed by my decision to remain. Mainly, they have a hard time wrapping their heads around our winters.

My sisters and I back home on Oahu

Truth is, I love the seasons, all of them. There is always something to do around here. I’m incredibly excited about the ice freezing on Lake Minnetonka. I’m dying to go ice-skating on it. Last year I tried ice fishing for the first time, and I’m also looking forward to that.

The way that Minnesotans persevere in the pursuit of fun, no matter the weather, is part of what made me fall in love with this area.

Not long ago we had a crazy cold snap. The air temperature was -22. In most parts of the country, that would have shut down towns, but not here. Excelsior was hustling and bustling with people doing their holiday shopping and running errands.

Of course there are times when extreme weather slows things down, but even after 23 years I’m amazed at how people still make things happen. I believe that part of what makes this a close knit community is the extreme weather.

I’ve seen business owners blowing snow, or sweeping leaves not just in front of their own shops, but that of their neighbors. There is a true willingness to help each other out. In certain ways, our survival depends on it at times because of the extreme weather.

A few inches of snow in Seattle would shut down the city, including schools. Here in the Lake Minnetonka area, a few inches of snow is hardly worth the mention. Kids still play outside, people still go to work.

When it is brutally hot out in the summer, people check on their elderly neighbors. Multiple local groups help people who need it to rake their leaves in the fall. There is no shortage of examples of how our community comes together throughout the year.

So yes, Minnesota has extreme weather that can be challenging. But, Minnesotans and especially those I’ve come to love in the Lake Minnetonka area, are extreme in their kindness and thoughtfulness, a compliment to the push back of the elements.

Yes, it may take longer to get places in the winter. This is why we allow more time for travel. Yes, I’ve learned more about frostbite than I ever cared to, but knowledge is power.

I may no longer live on a sandy, tropical beach in Hawaii, but I often feel like I’m living in paradise, even in the winter.  It is the people in this community that make it so. It is the way I see Excelsior businesses working together to help each other and the community.

I’m incredibly excited to see what is to come in 2017 for our community and I’m very thankful to be a part of this community and to call the Lake Minnetonka area my home.

Happy New Year From Odin and I

Imperfectly Yours,

Natalie

I'm 15,870 Days Old and Other Confessions

During my morning social media stalking, aka: scrolling through my facebook feed, I saw a post about how a baby was 41 days old today.

After seeing the post about the baby being 41 days old I figured out that as of today I've been alive for 15,870 days.  It's not my birthday or anything, it just made me wonder how many days old I was.

During those 15,870 days I've been married, divorced, gave birth to three children, made friends, lost friends, had a mother, lost a mother, got jobs, lost jobs, spent 12,775 of those days in the cult of Scientology, and so much more.

My theme in life is to live life perfectly imperfect. That means I learn from my mistakes, and I celebrate my triumphs.  That doesn't mean I don't work to be and do better at the things I do.  It means that I strive to accept myself for who I am, flaws and all.  If I can't do that, how can I accept anyone else for who they are.

I'm the mom who sent her son to football practice wearing his nut cup upside down, multiple times, but I'm also the mom who stayed up all night taking care of him when he had a fever of 104.

I'm the daughter who put magnetic bullet holes on her mother's car, freaking her out and convincing her that a gang of angry suburban hoodlums shot up her car, but I'm also the daughter who gave her one of my kidneys when her's failed.

I'm the woman who got sloppy, sick drunk the first time he introduced me to his father, but I'm also the woman who spent two days cleaning his house so he could spend more time with his kids rather than on household chores.

I'm the friend who forgot to ask how your sick grandma's doctor appointment went, but I'm also the friend who spent more than one afternoon at happy hour with your grandparents at the assisted living facility, and loved it by the way.

I'm the sister who convinced you that it was more than acceptable to pee in a department store clothing rack when we were kids, but I'm also the sister who took you to the Spam Museum to celebrate your successful cancer treatment.

I'm the neighbor who borrowed your air matress pump and never returned it, but I'm also the neighbor who helped your child get her dream job.

In my 15,870 days I've come to realize that putting energy into trying to pretend I'm something I'm not is a waste of my days. I'm flawed and I make mistakes, but more often than not I get it right.

If I'm lucky I'll have another 15,870 days to experience and learn from. What I do know is that I have today, and tomorrow I'll have tomorrow.  I don't even regret the mistakes of yesterday because they set in motion who I am and where I am today.

It's not my birthday, but today I celebrate my 15,870 days.  Tomorrow I'll celebrate and be thankful for 15,871 days and so on and so on, striving to remain perfectly imperfect along the way.

Bitch, I'm Hawaiian and I'm Fabulous!

Today I had a very bizarre experience.  I went to a local make-up store, I won't say which one. It's one of those stand alone larger ones.  I'd never been there before, but my friend Julie Swenson, who is also an amazing make-up artist, recommended a product I thought I could find there.

I couldn't remember the name of the product.  I'm having to combat not just wrinkles, but CRS syndrome, "Can't Remember Shit" syndrome.  I approached the first employee I saw and asked her if she could point me in the direction of products which would help minimize or conceal the dark circles under my eyes. The woman looked at me and said "Your dark circles are hereditary because of your dark skin."  Her attitude seemed to be that there is nothing we can do about it, due to my dark skin and all.

Now, I know for fact that something can be done about it because I've worked with multiple make-up artist who do a great job covering up those dark circles.  The woman had nothing left to offer, and quite frankly left me kind of stunned by her attitude of, we can't help you.

So, I turned to another employee nearby and said the same thing to her.  She took me over to a line of products, which she thought may be helpful.  Everything would have been fine, except she looks at me and says "Your wrinkles are because of all the tanning you must do.  You look like you do a lot of tanning."

Excuse me?  This woman just assumed that I must spend hours at a tanning salon because I wasn't as fair skinned as she was.  I'm darker than most Minnesotans, but I'm far from looking like that crazy, leathery "Tan Mom" woman.

My sister Lana and I. I'm in the grey.

 I looked at her and said, "I'm dark because I'm Hawaiian.  20 minutes in the sun and I get darker. I don't do "tons of tanning", I'm multiracial.  Additionally, I think the fact that I'm 42 years old has more to do with the wrinkles that I'm here to address."

She was making an assumption, never considering that I may be dark because of my nationality or in my case nationalities.  I was born and raised in Hawaii and I'm Hawaiian, Chinese, American Indian, Portuguese, Scotch and Irish.  Hawaiian being my dominate nationality.  I don't think either of the women were trying to be mean.  In truth, I think they were both just incredibly ignorant.

Running into one ignorant person at a business like this would be one thing, but two of them?  For a minute I thought I was probably on one of those hidden camera shows and Chris Hanson from Dateline was going to jump out.  Not the case, they were just two ignorant women who shouldn't be working at a make-up store.

This incident reminded me of something similar that happened to a good friend of mine.  She is half German and half African American, she is truly stunning.  She did a pageant and received her judges feedback afterwards.  One judge wrote "Too tan".  Seriously? Yes, it was all over her bio that she was multiracial and this idiot judge no doubt took away points because she was "too tan".

People are not just black, white, asian, or hispanic.  When filling out paperwork requiring me to check a box for race, I could pick a few: Pacific Islander, Asian, or Caucasian, sometimes all of the above.  No one box describes what I am anymore than one personality trait can describe who I am.

Recently General Mills put out a commercial with a mixed race couple with a multiracial child.  The dad is African American, and the mom is white. I greatly applaud this!  It's about dang time.

I purchased two items and went to my car.  There were tears in my eyes as I tried to make sense of what had happened and my own feelings about it. I realized that the comments, assumptions and looks of disapproval by those two women made me feel somehow wrong for being what I was.

Looking at myself in my rearview mirror, I realized that I'm lucky to come from a line of people who chose to love each other despite race, or cultural differences.  People from six different parts of the globe came together to eventually create my family.  I wiped away my tears, gave myself a smile and said out loud "Bitch, I'm Hawaiian and I'm fabulous!"

My sister and I with our Dad back home in Hawaii

Mother's Day, Sex Toys and Good Friends

I've been dreading Mother's Day most of this last week. On Mother's Day last year, I was back home in Hawaii scattering my mom's ashes into the ocean, with my sisters, my friend James, my father and a Pastor.

Scattering Mom's Ashes and Flowers

Though I've come a long way in being at peace with my mother's passing, significant dates still bite me in the ass.  Mother's Day this year was no exception.  All week long I could feel a dark cloud forming over me and I knew a meltdown was coming.

It happened the day before Mother's Day in a grocery store parking lot. The thought of buying groceries to celebrate Mother's Day was suddenly more than I could handle. I sat in my car, thankfully parked far from the entrance, and had myself a state of the art meltdown, complete with the "ugly cry". The "ugly cry" is when your sobbing resembles a cat hacking up a fur ball, while snot cakes your face.  It's not attractive.

My friend Cami texted me and I admitted I was having a meltdown in the grocery store parking lot, made worse by the fact that I was about out of tissue and really had to pee.  She offered to come get me, but I ended up driving to her house for a very therapeutic chat. After some great TLC from Cami and her dog Pluto, I was able to head home.

I spoke to my daughter before I left Cami's and warned her that I was having a rough time because I missed Grandma, but I would be okay and home soon.  Like many kids, my kids can be selfish pains in the butt, but they really come through for me when I need them.

I arrived home to a clean house, my favorite pasta, and three kinds of cake!  My kids know what to do when mom is in crisis and they went into action.  They also gave me my Mother's Day presents.  When I pulled my first present out of the bag I thought it was a sex toy, which made me think "Geez they really are going all out to handle my stress.". Turns out the "Electric Rabbit" is an electronic corkscrew for opening wine.

Now keep in mind my two older girls are 22 and 20, and inherited my open sense of humor, so it was possible that they had gotten me a sex toy for Mother's Day.

Not a sex toy

The kids hung out with me, and we devoured the pasta and cake.  We watched spooky movies and I even took a nap, which I almost never do. Grief is exhausting.

I woke up on Mother's Day feeling a bit better, but still fairly depressed.  I wanted to just spend the day under my blanket in bed.  After crying away most of the prior day, my eyes were puffier than a puffer fish.

Unfortunately no one in my house was thoughtful enough to have had hemorrhoids recently.  If they had, we would have had Preparation H in the house, which would have done wonders for the bags under my eyes.

We headed to Lago Tacos for brunch. I made it through most of the meal, but then had to leave for the car when my grief overwhelmed me again.  If I was a more attractive crier I may have just remained at the table, but we all now know I am not, so for the good of the other diners I retreated to the privacy of my car.  I'm thoughtful like that.

In the last 24 hours I've gone from a very dark place, back into the light of life, because I'm surrounded by people who care and want to help.  Sometimes I just have to let them.

Expectation Vs. Reality

Lately I've been contemplating the difference between expectations and reality.  Often what we visualize, expect, or even plan for, is not always what we end up with.  But, is that always such a bad thing?

I'll give you a few recent examples.  Two years ago when we got our adorable Maltese named Loki, I had visions of him running through our yard with his pure white hair flowing in the breeze, on a beautiful spring day.  Here is my expectation versus reality.

In reality on our first "spring day" this year, Loki decided to channel his inner piggy and give himself a mud bath.  It was a pain in the butt to clean him, the carpet and myself up, but my son and I did it together, and it was nice to spend that time with him.  He saw it as an adventure.

I've been seeing pictures of friends wearing their hair in a gorgeous bun with the use of a sock.  It's called the sock bun. Despite watching multiple youtube videos on how to create this look this is what my expectation versus reality looked like.

I look ridiculous, but I laughed my butt off.  I may never master the sock bun, but I know I don't take myself too seriously.

After contemplating all of this I realized something.  I realized that I may not always end up where I expect, but sometimes the reality turns out to be even better.  I end up learning patience, laughing harder and enjoying the simplicity of a less complicated endeavor.

At the end of the day I'm content in my perfectly imperfect world.  I'm thankful that things don't always turn out how we expect them to.  If they did, I think we might miss out on things we didn't even know we were missing.

Doggie Yoga at Adogo Pet Hotel

When your oldest kids are in college and your youngest can wipe his own butt and feed himself, how might a Lake Minnetonka Mom spend her time?  Doing "Doga" Doggie Yoga, of course.

I grabbed my pups TJ and Loki and headed over to Adogo Pet Hotel to experience "Doga" with my daughter Shelby and Yoga Instructor Milissa Link from Tree of Life Yoga.  Enjoy the video.

Virgin Carpet, Potty Training and Holiday Fun!

Despite the cloudy, drab, cooling weather, there is a sense of excitement in my household.  After 15 years, 3 kids and 3 dogs we are finally replacing our carpet and having the upstairs painted.

This carpet is so gross, that I have often wondered if it hasn't mutated into a living organism.  We have taken to refering to it as "Fred".

Knowing that we are just a few weeks from fresh, clean virgin carpet, I've been working hard to finish potty training the new puppy, TJ.  I've spent the last two years trying to get our other dog Loki, to stop pooping in the house and eating it.

Disturbingly, despite my best efforts, Loki has passed this behavior onto little TJ.  I've been at my wits end with the poop munching.  I thought that maybe a little shame and a time-out would get Loki to shape up.

Loki on his time-out

As crazy as it sounds, I think this worked.  Though far from 100%, Loki has taken to pooping outside and NOT eating it when he does it in the house.  I'm sure TJ will follow his lead, as he does with everything else.

I'm also super excited about the holiday season.  For me the holidays start on November 1st!  The only reason my house isn't filled with Chrismtas decorations yet, is because of the coming carpet installation and painting.  But, don't think I haven't already pulled the box out.  Plus, I've been listening to Christmas music daily.  I just love it!

Acceptance and Growing Up

I've been absent, neglectful and not present in regard to my blog for the month of October.  If my blog were a child, child protective services would have taken it into custody.  That, or my blog would have become a crazy, wild feral child that ate it's own hair and grunted for food.

My absence was, if not with good reason, with an understandable reason.  October 26th marked the one year anniversary of my mom's passing.  Thoughout the month, each time I sat down to write, I just could not do it.

My mom, dad and I in the backyard. We lived on Oahu

Today is October.... hold on where is my damn phone?  Here it is, one of the dogs was sitting on it.  Today is October 28th.  I could go on for pages trying to explain my last month and what it was like as this anniversary approached, but I won't.

The short story is it sucked ass at times.  In the last year I've shed more tears than a Kennedy, and ate more Lindt chocolates than Kirstie Alley.  I've actually eaten Lindt chocolates with Kirstie Alley, so I know what I'm talking about.  That's another story.

On the anniverary of my mom's passing I took a bottle of wine along with my "mini mom urn", to what was one of her favorite gardens.  It is a Japanese Garden at our local Arboretum.

"Mini mom" and my wine in the Japanese Garden

It was there that I had what was probably my most healing realization.  I realized that I was truly the adult in charge of my life.  My mom would have probably said that I've been in charge since I was 16.  In truth, I was able to go out and conquer the tight rope of life, be fabulolus, crazy, and at times productive, because I knew I had a safety net.  That safety net was always my mom.

Despite having three kids of my own, two of them grown, I never saw myself as the adult in charge.  I was resposible (for the most part) but I always felt I had a safety net.

The good thing is that by realizing that I was the adult in charge, I also finally accepted that my mom was gone.  Physically gone anyways.  I swear I can still hear her criticizing my driving and lack of cooking skills at times.  She finds ways of making her continued presence known.

Despite being 42 years old, (though I totally can pull off looking 32), for the first time in my life, I think I finally feel grown up.  Don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean I'm giving up drunken karaoke, or ghost hunting.  It just means I'm okay with navigating the tight rope of life without a safety net.

Why Condoms Remind Me of My Mother and How a Tampon Saved My Life

My mom didn't always understand me, but she always accepted me.  Thankfully we shared a healthy sense of humor.  If we hadn't she may have strangled me before I got to High School.

The five words I've heard most from her were "What is wrong with you!"  It was always a statement and not a questions, usually following me putting magnetic bullet holes all over her car, or throwing fake dog poop at her after convincing her it was from one of her dogs.

It's been 11 months since my mom died.  I've been thinking about her more often as the anniversary of her death approaches.  Today I was at Target for pens, though I ended up coming home with pens and these sexy footie PJs, which I know the Stud Muffin will just love.  They just scream "Take me now big boy!"

I was also in the pharmacy section looking for some acne wash for the teenage boy when I came upon the condom and lubrication area.

The condoms reminded me of my mom because I would often take her to Target and throw a bunch of multi colored condoms in her cart when she left it unattended.  She would only find them when checking out as she embarrassingly tried to explain to the cashier that they weren't hers.  I would be one lane over pretending not to know her and laughing my ass off as she yelled, "What's wrong with you!" across the aisle.

I was merely trying to show her that she needed to be more alert when shopping.  She had a bad habit of leaving her purse in her cart and walking off to look at something. So you see, my prank had a point.  In truth I was teaching her personal safety.  Maybe the next time she thought about walking off from her cart she would remember the condoms and not do so, thereby protecting herself from purse thieves and random people who might throw condoms in her cart.

After doing this to her on three different occasions, she stopped walking away from her purse in the cart.  The more I reflect on what it must have been like to have me for a daughter, the more I realize someone should have given her a medal.

The same goes for my significant other.  He rarely questions my behavior.  Once in awhile he comes across a mystery surrounding me that he just must get to the bottom of.  As was the case when he found this cup with a tampon and a piece of chewed gum in it, in my car.

Him: "I hate to ask, but why was there a tampon with blood on it, in a plastic up along with chewed gum in your car?"

Me: "That tampon saved my life the other day.  I was at the bus stop picking up the kid, when a wound on my arm started bleeding profusely!  I couldn't find a tissue to stop the massive hemorrhaging that was occurring, so I did what any fast thinking ER Doc would do.  I took a tampon out of my purse and used it to stop the bleeding.  I put it in the cup because it was the hygienic thing to do.  The gum was there because I was done chewing it and I don't throw things out of the car window because I'm civilized like that."

I didn't tell him that I was picking at a mole/wart thing on my arm, which he told me NOT to do, and that is what was bleeding.  Thankfully he didn't ask why I was bleeding, he was only concerned with why the tampon was there.

Him: (Sarcastically) "Well I suppose that makes sense now doesn't it?"

Me:  "Would you rather I bled to death at the bus stop?  Our son would have found me, bloodied and dead because I didn't think outside the box and use a tampon to save my own life!"

He knew what I was saying made sense, so he just walked away.  He knows he can't win these arguments with me as my logic is impeccable.  It's also why he usually doesn't want to ask in the first place.  He has learned to not put me in a position where I have to explain myself.  Sometimes it's just easier to let it go, and keep going.

Puppies, Humping and Hoping for Strippers

Like most new mothers I'm short on sleep and showers.  Work isn't getting done.  My hair is in a permanent greasy ponytail and I'm running late to everything.  Totally not my normal.

The kids and I would like for you to meet the reason why I'm currently rocking the homeless chic look.  Say hello to our newest addition, TJ.

TJ during his first trip to the store for his own leash

TJ will never replace Dexter, but he is helping us to heal, and he is proving to be a fabulous addition to our family.  Here he is with his brother Loki, who joined our family almost two years ago.

TJ and Loki, keeping it real

We wanted to name him "Thor" being that his brother's name is Loki, but after spending time with him we realized it wasn't a good fit.  Based on our first day with him I wanted to name him "The happy humper", but the stud muffin said that was too long a name. We settled on TJ, which is short for Thor Junior.

The happy humper having his way with Loki

TJ is about 13 weeks old right now and is a Maltese, Long Haired Chihuahua mix.  He came from the same breeder as Loki, who is a Maltese.  

I'm looking forward to having TJ fully potty trained, and use to our home and routine.  I don't function well without sleep. Yesterday I tried to sign a credit card receipt with a tampon I pulled out of my purse.

Today I had a belated birthday lunch with my friend Tina.  I'm sure I sounded either drunk or like a stroke victim.  Breaking in a new puppy is not a sleep friendly activity.

When I walked into the restaurant to meet Tina, late of course, my birthday surprise caused me to jump out of my dazed, sleep deprived fog.  Tina showed me what she had gotten me for my birthday.  There stood a  tall, dark and handsome man, with arms that could lift a water buffalo.

How you doin?

I thought to myself , finally someone got me a stripper!  I've been asking for one for years.  Though  I was surprised that this was going to go down in the middle of a restaurant, but hey I was tired and needed the boost so who was I to question the situation.

Just when I was ready to start pulling dollar bills out of my purse, Tina pointed out the flower arrangement that the Greek God was holding.  Apparently the flowers, not the man, was my present.

Despite the misunderstanding we had a lovely lunch served to us by Mr. Hot Body, who turns out was our waiter, Nick.

I definitely need to start getting more sleep.

Weekend From Hell

After my hellish weekend, I'm ready for some good news of any kind to dissipate the stench of despair that lingers within the walls of my home.

The weekend started with saying goodbye to Dexter, our four legged family member of 13 years.  He passed peacefully in the lap of his one and only boy, my son.

The day after I spent 12 hours on a couch on my porch, covered in pastry crumbs and snot.  It was the day before my 42nd birthday, and the first birthday since my mother passed away.  Try as I might, I could not get off that couch or out of my PJ's.  Loosing Dexter and facing my birthday without my mom brought up so many emotions.

My friends stopped by, bringing me treats for my birthday in an effort to cheer me up.  Though I appreciated the gesture I reminded them that my temporary depression would pass, but diabetes was forever, so enough with the baked goods.

After a good night's sleep, thanks to unisom, which I'm careful not to abuse. My friend James and I have vowed to go to unisom rehab together if our unisom use ever gets out of hand.

When my birthday morning arrived I felt like a new person.  I had a fabulous tear free birthday filled with calls, texts and facebook birthday wishes.

This weekend was a very tough one.  Though, I was reminded that I have some pretty fabulous, caring people in my life.  From friends to family, I'm truly blessed and thankful that these people continue to put up with me.

Goodbye Dog Days of Summer

Summer is quickly winding down and I'm ready to be done with it. I've had my fill of hot days and beach time.  Summer was my whore and I'm done with her.

In May I spent time back home on the beaches of Hawaii scattering my mother's ashes.  Most recently I spent 8 days in Puerto Rico being "The Assistant to the Title Holder", cheering on my friend Tamara Jett at the Ms. World International Pageant.

In between traveling I've spent the summer doing intense research to find the "Top 3 Happy Hour Spots in Excelsior."

I live in Minnesota because I don't like to experience any one season for too long.  Living in a place that has every season to its extreme, a few months at a time, works well for me.

Though I'm ready to embrace my fall wardrobe and the delightful smell of fireplaces lingering in the air, I'm going to miss outdoor happy hours.

I couldn't let summer slip away without hosting a Doggie Happy Hour for a few friends and our four legged babies, with my darling Maltese Loki.  Despite the fact that I'm off the sauce due to my fitness training adventure with Jason Young of Youngquest Fitness, I still had a good time.  Sipping sparkling water instead of wine is not as fun at happy hour, but I still managed to squeeze out a good time.

Here is our Doggie Happy Hour group at Jake O'Connor's in Excelsior.

Loki likes to hangout with his buddy Teddy, even though Teddy can be a bit of a crab-ass.  They share a love of doggie martinis.

Loki and his Pom buddy Teddy

How is your summer winding down?

Just Call Me Mother Teresa

If you know me, you know I am reluctant to share the intimate details of the lives of those I love.  If you know me well, you know that I just lied.

One of the reasons I started blogging years ago was to share with the world the gems of wisdom and hilarity that came out of my mother's mouth.  Things like when she thought her deaf chihuahua could read lips, or the time she was convinced she got pneumonia from being exposed to cat pee.

A phrase I often heard from my mom was "If you put that on your blog I'm going to kill you."  Being the good daughter that I am, I never let that stop me from writing about her.  I inherited my sense of humor from my mom.  She always eventualy got a chuckle out of what I wrote about her, even if it mortified her in the moment.

That being said, my family and friends know that what happens with them in real life, may very well end up on my blog.  This doesn't stop them from inviting me along on things.

Recently I've become quite the caretaker, some might even say "miracle healer."  Okay, no one has called me a miracle healer, but  I make a good driver to and from, if you are having a medical procedure.  I'll gather up your care instructions, hold your hand, and of course take photos, which I'll then post on facebook, twitter and my blog.

Here is my Gay BFF James when I took him for his Lasik procedure. Note the comforting stuffed puppy he is holding.

James going under the laser

I jumped at the chance to support my sister Lana when she had to get four wisdom teeth pulled out.  Lana hates pain more than most of us and was very nervous about the procedure.  Here she is before.

Lana before going under

Here is Lana fresh out of her oral surgery.

Lana waking up

I took my photos before I saw this sign.

If you need someone to chaparone you to a medical procedure, I'm your gal.  I'm in the market for attending a colonoscopy, so keep that in mind.  Just give me enough lead time to charge my camera.

He's Sexy and He Knows It!

If you have followed my blog for awhile, or follow me on facebook, twitter, or instagram, you know that I'm over the moon crazy about my little Maltese named Loki.

Loki in his car seat after a spa day

 For years I've made fun of people who treated their little dogs like children.  I have to admit, I'm drinking the doggie kool-aid.  During a recent camping trip I was in my tent talking to Loki "How's my baby, are you cold?" I then heard a woman in a nearby tent say in a hushed voice, "I think she is talking to her dog."

My Loki has his own car seat.  He loves to ride shotgun, but my 13 year old won't shut up about being made to sit in the backseat when Loki is in the car, so now Loki sits mostly in the back.

Loki has been featured in Lake Minnetonka Magazine as being "The Toast of Lake Minnetonka".  Okay, they were quoting me saying that about him, but it's still in print and therefore true.

Loki gets blueberry facials and enjoys spa days with his stylist and groomer Susie Crary. He loves playing fetch and peek-a-boo.

Playing peek-a-boo

So yes, I've become one of those crazy dog loving people.  When I travel I often share readily available pics of my Loki.  When asked about my children I have to search my phone for a pic of the kids.

Don't get me wrong, I love the heck out of my kids and will not hesitate to cut you should you hurt one of them.  The thing is, they are 22, 20 and 13. The 13 year old is taller than me and won't let me cuddle him.  My children have betrayed me by growing up.

Loki will never grow up.  He will always look like a little baby puppy, letting me sing to him, cuddle him and baby him.  Friends have often said "Are you sure you don't want another child?"  Hell no! Loki is the perfect baby for me because I can still lock him in the bathroom without getting the authorities involved.

Flying the Nest Armed With Mace

Somehow my once little girl who cut her own bangs off, then tried to lie about it while surrounded by hair and holding scissors, has become a 22 year old adult.  Technically she turns 22 in a week.

Here is a recent photo of my daughter Shelby.

Okay, that's not Shelby.  I don't know who that is.  I found the photo online and assigned it to my gay BFF James in my phone.  When he calls me that is the photo that shows up with his name.

Here is the real Shelby.

My oldest daughter Shelby

Shelby is leaving for Madrid later this week, where she will study and then backpack around Europe.  As her mother I go back and forth between being mortified and proud.

Unfortunately Shelby inherited my complete lack of a sense of direction.  I get turned around in parking lots.  If it wasn't for my GPS I'd still be trying to find my way home from last summer's road trip.

Though Shelby suffers from a similar affliction, she is much smarter than I am.  Her 13 year old brother will be screwed when she leaves if I have to help him with his homework.

Our little birds eventually leave the nest and find their own adventures.  Though I'm making sure mine does so armed with mace and basic self defense moves.  I've also made her watch the movie "Taken" with Liam Neeson, 3 times.

It's quite possible that if a stranger approaches her with the slightest hint of inappropriateness, that he will find himself with a kick to the balls and a face of pepper spray.  Some say I've gone too far with my paranoia.  They just doesn't understand what it's like to be the mother of girls.

What do you think?  Are you prepared for your kids to fly the nest?

Loki May Have a Drinking Problem

My Maltese Loki is a party animal.  I'm not quite sure where he gets it.  I'm begining to worry that he may have a problem.  First off he is getting demanding when he drinks.  Do you hear the abusive tone he is taking with me?

"Bitch hit me up.  I've only had one!"

 It becomes hard to get him focused on anything else when he is drinking.

"Get started on mixing the next one.  Don't be stingy with the olives this time"

Eventually he just passes out, often right into his glass.

Of course the next morning I can't get his hungover ass up!

Not quite sure what to do.  I wonder if there is Doggie AA?

Father's Day Postponed Until Satan's Spawn is Caught

What started off as a quiet, beautiful Father's Day Sunday, turned quickly into a nightmare that rocked not just our household but our entire cul-de-sac.

After last night's fun evening out at a wedding, fueled by one too many dirty martinis with the Stud Muffin, I stumbled bleary eyed out the front door this morning to let my dogs out.

As I do each morning I scooped up a serving of dog food from our big dog Dexter's food bin, which is kept in our breezeway.  The dogs and I walked into the house, turned the corner and I poured the cup of dog food into Dexter's dish.

That was when this creature from the bowels of hell fell out of the cup and into the dog dish!

A composite of the intruder from the bowels of hell

As he jumped out of the dog dish, I jumped onto a counter while screaming for the Stud Muffin.  Of course all of the windows in our house were open, so I'm sure the entire cul-de-sac heard my blood curdling screams and thought our family was being butchered by a wild gang of suburban hating serial killers.

My significant other along with my kids had been sleeping.  If you ask me he took way to long to come to my rescue upon hearing my screams.

My senior citizen dog Dexter left the kitchen for more quieter accomodations when I started screaming.

Lucky for me my Maltese Loki jumped into action right away and became a mouse hunter, chasing the hellish creature throughout the kitchen and then downstairs

Loki my vicious, mouse hunting protector

My significant other refused to follow my orders to get his gun and shoot it.  Instead he took his sweet old time setting a couple of traps downstairs, while Loki kept it cornered.

I've announced to the household that Father's Day or not, no one eats until that mouse has taken his last breath.  There is also a reward of $20.00 being offered to anyone who comes in and catches it before it finds it's way to the trap.