Can the Glass be Half Full Even if it's Cancer?

Featured in the Lakeshore Weekly News

Today more than ever we seem to be living in a world that is either viewed as a glass half empty or a glass half full.  We are also entering that time of year when we try to see the glass as half full, and be thankful that it is.

Lately my glass has been filled, emptied, dirtied, turned upside down, spun around, cleaned and placed back half full. For the most part I am for some, that annoying optimist who can and does find the silver lining in difficult situations.

I find beauty and opportunity in mistakes, I’m thankful for difficulties that force me down a different path, because I’ve been fortunate to learn that sometimes a late flight means you avoided an airline disaster. Sometimes road construction means taking a different route and discovering along the new route what becomes your favorite restaurant. The right time at the right place is often not where we think we need to be or when.

Simply, I try not to question challenges or things that appear to make my life more difficult, beyond evaluating them for what I’m supposed to learn from the situation. With my recent difficulty, I’ve been holding on to and remind myself of this.

October was Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I was due for a physical and hadn’t had a mammogram in five years. I’m 46 years old with a family history of breast cancer on both sides.

A few days after my routine mammogram, I was called back in for further imaging. This didn’t worry me, as it is fairly routine when you have what’s called dense breast tissue.

After further imaging I was told I needed a biopsy due to a suspicious area of microcalcifications and a mass. Calcifications in breast tissue are not uncommon as women age, but clusters of small calcifications called microcalcifications are sometimes associated with breast cancer.

The next day I had a biopsy. It was an agonizing five days before those results became available. Something happened at the Pathologist office and my slides had to be redone. Normally it takes two business days.

During those five days my mind of course went to high and low places.  What kept me sane during that time, was knowing that my worst case scenario was I had early stage breast cancer, something that is very treatable today.

My biopsy results came back not showing cancer but abnormal cell growth, often found around cancer. My next step is a lumpectomy, which is a surgery to remove a lump of breast tissue.

At this point the only way to know for sure if I have breast cancer, is to remove the mass and an area around it for further testing.  Here is the thing though, the likelihood of there being no cancer is higher than there being cancer.  The odds are in my favor. We just want to be sure.

I’ve met with my surgeon and we are in the process of scheduling the surgery for the lumpectomy. Once the mass is removed it should take two days for the pathology report to come back.

My worst case scenario is hopeful because of the men and women who came before me. My situation is hopeful because of the individuals who made research possible, the ones who made early detection possible.

I scheduled my mammogram in large part because I’m often reminded of the importance of having one by friends on Facebook. Because of local women like Judy Erdahl of Deephaven, who has openly shared her journey with Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer. Because of women like Holly Raby from Shorewood, who shares her experience with Breast Cancer, who has spoken at local events in Excelsior. Because of these and other women being vocal, I scheduled a mammogram.

There are many others in our community who have been publicly open with their experience. I’m so thankful for that. My situation is a hopeful one because of early detection, because these women won’t keep quiet about what they are dealing with.

The odds are in my favor that my lumpectomy will not turn up cancer, but if it does my treatment options will be very effective, because of those who came before me.  My situation will be very different because it was caught early.

Never underestimate the influence one voice can have, or the difference a passing comment can make. Use that voice wisely. Women like Erdahl and Raby are examples of that, and yes, the glass can be half-full even it it’s cancer.  They are shining examples of that.

Imperfectly Yours,

Natalie 

Are You Part of the Problem, Or the Solution?

Featured in the Lakeshore Weekly News

As a child my mother instilled in me a way of thinking when it came to problem solving. More accurately, it was a point of view of gratitude for what I had and an assuming of responsibility for something I brought up as a problem.

As a child and into young adulthood I learned that complaining about a problem doesn’t get you anywhere.  In my household it could make matters worse. If I said to my mother, “I don’t like what’s for dinner.” Her response would be along the lines of, “You know who would appreciate that dinner, children who are truly hungry. What do you suggest YOU do about it?”

My mother didn’t appreciated complaints about an inconvenience or being presented with a problem with no solution or suggestion on how to solve it.  What she wanted from me was for me to take some responsibility for anything I complained about, or to not bring it up until I could or would be able to solve it.

If I didn’t like what was for dinner the correct way of handling would be for me to say, “Mom thank you for making this liver for us. Would it be alright if I made myself a hot dog to eat?” This communicated that I didn’t like liver, which she knew but made anyways, but it also provided a solution for my predicament while expressing gratitude. I wasn’t asking my mother to solve it for me. It didn’t matter than I was 9 years old.

My mother stressed the need for me to understand the difference between an inconvenience and an actual problem.  Complaining about an inconvenience is a way of confirming your lack of gratitude. Complaining about a true problem with no offer to solve it, is being part of the problem. As my mother always said, “If you are only going to be part of the problem, best to keep your mouth shut.”

Let’s take the upgrading of the parking meters in Excelsior as an example. The existing meters only take quarters, so you have to hunt for quarters and then return to feed the meter once your time expires.  The new meters will take credit cards and also be able to be fed via an app on your phone, so you don’t need to return to your car or boat.

Now, the cost per hour of these meters is going up quite a bit. The money goes into a general fund for the City of Excelsior, which is where they get the money to maintain area parks like The Commons.

Personally I don’t often use the meters to park my car in Excelsior.  In my two-decades of living in the area, I’ve always found free parking in downtown Excelsior, within at least two blocks of where I need to be.

What I do use the meters for is when we boat into town. Boat meters will be the most expensive meters. Do I want to pay several dollars more when we dock the boat to go into town? No, I don’t, but I will gladly pay it for the convenience the new meters provide and because the money helps to maintain the Excelsior Commons, which I love.

Am I going to complain about having to pay 5-10 more dollars to dock at the Excelsior docks? No, I’m not. Mainly because I am fortunate to even have access to a boat, to live where I do and to have the free time to boat on Lake Minnetonka.  Also, I don’t have a solution for the problem the city is trying to solve by increasing the fees.  

How ungrateful and privileged would it sound to hear someone complain and say “I’m really upset that I have to pay a few dollars more to park my boat so that I can enjoy fine dining and shopping in Excelsior.”?

Now, I could join a planning commission or even run for City Council to affect change differently. I’m not going to do any of that, so I will pay what is required and be thankful for what I have.

Sometimes paying for parking is not in our budget. What we do then is park in any of the free spots on Water St, behind the buildings or in the neighborhood.  You know what the busy days are in Excelsior. If you know this and know finding a close spot may take awhile, leave earlier and allow yourself the time to find a free closer spot.

An inconvenience is defined as something that causes trouble or difficulty to your personal requirements or comfort. A problem is something that needs to be dealt with or overcome.

Not finding free parking is an inconvenience not a problem. The inconvenience is solved by planning your time accordingly, or just enjoying the opportunity to walk. You could also join a planning commission or run for City Council so that you can work to find a better solution to the problem the increase in parking fees is trying to overcome.

Sadly we have no shortage of true problems in this world.  Terrorist attacks are a problem. People dying of cancer is a problem, not having a job is a problem. Waiting on a table at a restaurant, not being able to find free parking right where you want it, traffic because there are improvements being done to the roads, these are inconveniences we are fortunate enough to experience. Many in the world, even in our own state would gladly trade places with us.

It’s important to first recognize the difference between an inconvenience and a problem. Next ask yourself if you are going to be part of the solution or part of the problem, then act accordingly.  If you aren’t going to put your shoulder to the wheel to help solve the problem, then take my mother’s advice and keep your mouth shut.