Perspective, Cancer and Shopping Under the Influence

Featured in the Lakeshore Weekly News

In my last column I shared with you that I was walking down the path of determining whether or not I had breast cancer. A routine mammogram led to more images, which led to a biopsy, which led to a lumpectomy.

The whole experience took place over about seven weeks. Seven weeks of the constant question in my mind being “Do I or don’t I?” I contemplated what I would tell my children, I wondered how my family would deal with it. Even with the odds being in my favor that it wasn’t cancer, my mind played out many scenarios.

I’m not someone who likes to spend a lot of time dwelling on a mystery, unless it is one in the pages of a good book. I knew I needed to focus my mental energy in a way that had me moving forward while we went through the process, which would take time. 

While I kept busy and passed the days leading up to my lumpectomy, I found peace in knowing that my worst-case scenario still meant early treatment.  Additionally I realized that whatever it was, already was. No amount of worrying or “what-ifs” would change anything.

What I needed was to focus on something that didn’t involve abnormal cells, a mass, surgery etc. We had been making plans for months with a Giant Schnauzer breeder in Illinois to have a dog join our household.

Two weeks before my surgery we headed to Chicago to pick up what became the best distraction ever.  Odin was 10 weeks old when we brought him home. Between work, my day to day life and Odin, the next two weeks leading up to my surgery flew by!

Odin 10 Weeks

Between the start of the holidays and watching Odin explore his new community, I was having a wonderful time. He met Santa for the first time at the Excelsior Real Estate Annual Free Kid’s Movie, he went on his first horse drawn carriage ride down Water St. in Excelsior.  He even spent and will spend a few days a week with us at our store J. Novachis getting socialized.

When I saw my Doctor at a scheduled appointment she said I was the first patient she has had show up to a pre-lumpectomy physical who was smiling and laughing. I shared with her that I knew no amount of worry on my part was going to change anything, good or bad. I also told her about Odin, the joy he was bringing to our lives and how it helped to keep me in the moment, rather than worrying about what may or may not be.

The day of my surgery arrived and I was ready.  My surgery went very well. Within two days I got the news I had been waiting for. The surgeon said that though they found more abnormal cells, I had no cancer cells! The mass removed during my lumpectomy shows no cancer.  Needless to say I was and am thrilled with this news.

Unfortunately, I came down with a pretty bad case of bronchitis while recovering. There is nothing like sailing through a lumpectomy and then being almost taken out by bronchitis. When I got home from the hospital Odin remained right by my bedside during my recovery, which has taken much longer because of the bronchitis.

I did learn a valuable lesson after my surgery. When you are recovering from the affects of anesthesia or narcotics, it is best to log out of your Amazon account. Otherwise, within a few days odd things start to arrive at your home. Did you know you can get a beanie type face mask for winter that make you look like an Octopus? You can, I now own them in green and gray.

I’ll be following up with my doctors and staying on top of future screenings. I’m in a high risk category, but today I don’t have cancer. That’s good enough for me at the moment.

This experience has reminded me about keeping things in perspective. We can’t always change or control what is, but we can control how we choose to respond to it.

Imperfectly Yours,

Natalie 

Can the Glass be Half Full Even if it's Cancer?

Featured in the Lakeshore Weekly News

Today more than ever we seem to be living in a world that is either viewed as a glass half empty or a glass half full.  We are also entering that time of year when we try to see the glass as half full, and be thankful that it is.

Lately my glass has been filled, emptied, dirtied, turned upside down, spun around, cleaned and placed back half full. For the most part I am for some, that annoying optimist who can and does find the silver lining in difficult situations.

I find beauty and opportunity in mistakes, I’m thankful for difficulties that force me down a different path, because I’ve been fortunate to learn that sometimes a late flight means you avoided an airline disaster. Sometimes road construction means taking a different route and discovering along the new route what becomes your favorite restaurant. The right time at the right place is often not where we think we need to be or when.

Simply, I try not to question challenges or things that appear to make my life more difficult, beyond evaluating them for what I’m supposed to learn from the situation. With my recent difficulty, I’ve been holding on to and remind myself of this.

October was Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I was due for a physical and hadn’t had a mammogram in five years. I’m 46 years old with a family history of breast cancer on both sides.

A few days after my routine mammogram, I was called back in for further imaging. This didn’t worry me, as it is fairly routine when you have what’s called dense breast tissue.

After further imaging I was told I needed a biopsy due to a suspicious area of microcalcifications and a mass. Calcifications in breast tissue are not uncommon as women age, but clusters of small calcifications called microcalcifications are sometimes associated with breast cancer.

The next day I had a biopsy. It was an agonizing five days before those results became available. Something happened at the Pathologist office and my slides had to be redone. Normally it takes two business days.

During those five days my mind of course went to high and low places.  What kept me sane during that time, was knowing that my worst case scenario was I had early stage breast cancer, something that is very treatable today.

My biopsy results came back not showing cancer but abnormal cell growth, often found around cancer. My next step is a lumpectomy, which is a surgery to remove a lump of breast tissue.

At this point the only way to know for sure if I have breast cancer, is to remove the mass and an area around it for further testing.  Here is the thing though, the likelihood of there being no cancer is higher than there being cancer.  The odds are in my favor. We just want to be sure.

I’ve met with my surgeon and we are in the process of scheduling the surgery for the lumpectomy. Once the mass is removed it should take two days for the pathology report to come back.

My worst case scenario is hopeful because of the men and women who came before me. My situation is hopeful because of the individuals who made research possible, the ones who made early detection possible.

I scheduled my mammogram in large part because I’m often reminded of the importance of having one by friends on Facebook. Because of local women like Judy Erdahl of Deephaven, who has openly shared her journey with Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer. Because of women like Holly Raby from Shorewood, who shares her experience with Breast Cancer, who has spoken at local events in Excelsior. Because of these and other women being vocal, I scheduled a mammogram.

There are many others in our community who have been publicly open with their experience. I’m so thankful for that. My situation is a hopeful one because of early detection, because these women won’t keep quiet about what they are dealing with.

The odds are in my favor that my lumpectomy will not turn up cancer, but if it does my treatment options will be very effective, because of those who came before me.  My situation will be very different because it was caught early.

Never underestimate the influence one voice can have, or the difference a passing comment can make. Use that voice wisely. Women like Erdahl and Raby are examples of that, and yes, the glass can be half-full even it it’s cancer.  They are shining examples of that.

Imperfectly Yours,

Natalie 

Are You Part of the Problem, Or the Solution?

Featured in the Lakeshore Weekly News

As a child my mother instilled in me a way of thinking when it came to problem solving. More accurately, it was a point of view of gratitude for what I had and an assuming of responsibility for something I brought up as a problem.

As a child and into young adulthood I learned that complaining about a problem doesn’t get you anywhere.  In my household it could make matters worse. If I said to my mother, “I don’t like what’s for dinner.” Her response would be along the lines of, “You know who would appreciate that dinner, children who are truly hungry. What do you suggest YOU do about it?”

My mother didn’t appreciated complaints about an inconvenience or being presented with a problem with no solution or suggestion on how to solve it.  What she wanted from me was for me to take some responsibility for anything I complained about, or to not bring it up until I could or would be able to solve it.

If I didn’t like what was for dinner the correct way of handling would be for me to say, “Mom thank you for making this liver for us. Would it be alright if I made myself a hot dog to eat?” This communicated that I didn’t like liver, which she knew but made anyways, but it also provided a solution for my predicament while expressing gratitude. I wasn’t asking my mother to solve it for me. It didn’t matter than I was 9 years old.

My mother stressed the need for me to understand the difference between an inconvenience and an actual problem.  Complaining about an inconvenience is a way of confirming your lack of gratitude. Complaining about a true problem with no offer to solve it, is being part of the problem. As my mother always said, “If you are only going to be part of the problem, best to keep your mouth shut.”

Let’s take the upgrading of the parking meters in Excelsior as an example. The existing meters only take quarters, so you have to hunt for quarters and then return to feed the meter once your time expires.  The new meters will take credit cards and also be able to be fed via an app on your phone, so you don’t need to return to your car or boat.

Now, the cost per hour of these meters is going up quite a bit. The money goes into a general fund for the City of Excelsior, which is where they get the money to maintain area parks like The Commons.

Personally I don’t often use the meters to park my car in Excelsior.  In my two-decades of living in the area, I’ve always found free parking in downtown Excelsior, within at least two blocks of where I need to be.

What I do use the meters for is when we boat into town. Boat meters will be the most expensive meters. Do I want to pay several dollars more when we dock the boat to go into town? No, I don’t, but I will gladly pay it for the convenience the new meters provide and because the money helps to maintain the Excelsior Commons, which I love.

Am I going to complain about having to pay 5-10 more dollars to dock at the Excelsior docks? No, I’m not. Mainly because I am fortunate to even have access to a boat, to live where I do and to have the free time to boat on Lake Minnetonka.  Also, I don’t have a solution for the problem the city is trying to solve by increasing the fees.  

How ungrateful and privileged would it sound to hear someone complain and say “I’m really upset that I have to pay a few dollars more to park my boat so that I can enjoy fine dining and shopping in Excelsior.”?

Now, I could join a planning commission or even run for City Council to affect change differently. I’m not going to do any of that, so I will pay what is required and be thankful for what I have.

Sometimes paying for parking is not in our budget. What we do then is park in any of the free spots on Water St, behind the buildings or in the neighborhood.  You know what the busy days are in Excelsior. If you know this and know finding a close spot may take awhile, leave earlier and allow yourself the time to find a free closer spot.

An inconvenience is defined as something that causes trouble or difficulty to your personal requirements or comfort. A problem is something that needs to be dealt with or overcome.

Not finding free parking is an inconvenience not a problem. The inconvenience is solved by planning your time accordingly, or just enjoying the opportunity to walk. You could also join a planning commission or run for City Council so that you can work to find a better solution to the problem the increase in parking fees is trying to overcome.

Sadly we have no shortage of true problems in this world.  Terrorist attacks are a problem. People dying of cancer is a problem, not having a job is a problem. Waiting on a table at a restaurant, not being able to find free parking right where you want it, traffic because there are improvements being done to the roads, these are inconveniences we are fortunate enough to experience. Many in the world, even in our own state would gladly trade places with us.

It’s important to first recognize the difference between an inconvenience and a problem. Next ask yourself if you are going to be part of the solution or part of the problem, then act accordingly.  If you aren’t going to put your shoulder to the wheel to help solve the problem, then take my mother’s advice and keep your mouth shut.

What Are You Worth?

Featured in the Lakeshore Weekly News 

A series of curious coincidences in my day to day life has gotten me thinking lately about self-worth and independence. Self-worth is what we think we are worth. It is the value we place on ourselves. Do we think we deserve good things in our life, or do we believe we deserve only bad things to happen to us?

Growing up I was raised to believe that my worth could only be validated by a man. I would often hear, “No good man will want you if you don’t have good table manners. What man will want you if you don’t know how to keep a good home? What man will want you if you don’t keep yourself looking presentable.”  

It should be of no surprise that I spent most of my life seeking the approval of men who could validate my worth. For a long time the value I brought to the world, in my eyes, was only the value that the man I was with acknowledged or held in high regard. Needless to say this line of thinking was not conducive for healthy relationships. 

Simply, I had no self-worth. When you believe that you have no self-worth, you also believe that you don’t deserve for good things to happen to you, unless someone else thinks you deserve it. When you perceive yourself as having no self-worth, you mistakenly believe that the bad things that happen to you, you somehow deserved. 

At 22 I was sexually assaulted. My church/cult at the time convinced me that I should not report it to the authorities because I must have done something to make it happen. I was physically injured with bruises, I had been sodomized, and I was mentally numb. I didn’t see a doctor, I didn’t speak to the police, I didn’t even tell my own mother what happened for another 18 years. 

Up until I left the cult, and for a little while after, I believed what happened to me was my fault. I believed that the way in which a man treated me, determined my worth. If I was worth it he would treat me well. If I wasn’t, he would treat me badly. I don’t need to tell you how messed up that line of thinking is. It is how slaves are created.

The good news is I no longer think that way. During the last 5 years I’ve been working on figuring out who I am and what I want. If you read my column or my blog Adventures With Natalie regularly, you have been along for the ride. I’ve since experienced what it means to be loved and accepted for who I am, not what I can do for someone. I’ve discovered what it’s like to love and accept someone else in that same way.

I truly believe I’ve done more growing  as an individual in the last 5 years than I have my previous 40. Better late than never as the saying goes.

Through a couple of recent experiences I figured out a couple of things about self-worth and independence. My self-worth can not be determined by anyone other than myself. It is not what someone tells me or shows me my worth is. It is what I decide it is.

If someone mistreats me, or does something to hurt me, their action speaks to who they are and how they value themselves, not me. The coward who assaulted me didn’t do it because I deserved it. It was not and is not a reflection of my worth, it is a reflection of his. In truth, I feel sorry for him. How degraded do you need to feel, how much do you need to hate yourself to hurt another human being in that way? 

Being independent does not mean being alone. Being independent means you are true to yourself, and the pursuit of your goals, without needing someone else to validate that you are on the right track. You can do this alone or along side someone. 

Acceptance, love, and appreciation are all wonderful things to experience. Independence is being able to walk your own path whether someone else is giving you those things or not. At the end of the day, it is the acceptance, love and appreciation of ourselves that make us able to accept, love and appreciate anyone else. Self-worth and independence are not something to seek, but rather something to live.

Imperfectly Yours,

Natalie

Christos Greek Restaurant, Who Knew?

Not far from where on I live, down Highway 7 in Minnetonka is a Greek restaurant called Christos. This restaurant has not been on my radar whatsoever. All I knew about it was that they served Greek food.

Christos at 15600 Hwy 7 Minnetonka

Well, today I was missing Greece. I spent 10 days on a cruise around the Greek Isle with Silversea Cruises last October.  Truly the trip of a lifetime thanks to Just Girls Travel and Tours.

Jumping for joy outside the Acropolis in Athens

Lunch at Christos just made sense. I was apprehensive because I had only been there once years ago and wasn't sure what to expect. Boy, was I surprised.

I'll walk you through what we had starting with the Octopus, which was very refreshing. It came with fresh tomatoes and cucumber.  I'm from Hawaii so this girl loves a good octopus. 

Cold Octopus

Greek salad with amazing feta cheese

Our main dish was a dinner special with multiple Greek dishes to try. To be honest, I was so busy digging in that I forgot to write down the names. It was delicious, especially the spanakopita (that name I remember) the lamb and the lamb sausage was to die for!

I'm not sure how Christos has not been on my radar before, especially considering I sleep with a Greek man. Needless to say, it's on my radar now.

Christos had a private dining room for private parties and a happy hour Monday through Friday 4pm-6pm. Definitely work a stop.

Imperfectly Yours,
Natalie

Dear Bloomingdale's.... Here is what I have to say about you promoting date rape

Add from Bloomingdale's 2015 Holiday Catalog

Dear Bloomingdale's,


I once had someone "spike" my drink. It wasn't the holidays and it wasn't egg nog, but he took it upon himself to slip something into my drink without my knowledge. In many ways I'm thankful that my memories of what happened after are spotty. A date rape drug will do that.

I'll tell you what I do remember, I remember how it felt to wake up feeling powerless, unable to move or speak while I was being sexually assaulted. I remember that moment when I realized I couldn't fight back or stop him. I remember what it felt like the next day to have multiple bruises on my body. I remember what the shame felt like.

I remember what it was like to spend two decades afraid to sleep with a window open or a door unlocked. I remember what it's like to be afraid of crowds of strangers, especially where anyone is drinking alcohol.

I remember what it was like to try to control the anxiety and fear I felt years latter for my own daughters as they went out into the world.

I'll tell you what I know today. I know it wasn't my fault and this man was a coward, the shame is on him not me. I know that my body is mine and no one has a right to take advantage of me in any way. I also know that I have no interest in spending a dime at Bloomingdale's or any company that doesn't have the sense to see this ad as not just inappropriate but dangerous.

Your creative team and anyone who let this ad be printed needs a serious education in what date rape is and the long term affects it has on a person. It's nothing to joke about. Personally I'd like to see Bloomingdale's do something to support organizations who help the victims of sexual assault. It would be a start. That's what I know.


Sincerely,
Someone who didn't enjoy having her drink spiked

A Hawaiian's Guide to Surviving Winter in Minnesota

Surviving the cold when you are from the beach

The questioned I'm asked most when people learn I was born and raised in Hawaii is, "What the hell are you doing in Minnesota?" I've spent 20 years explaining to people what brought me here. Now I just simply answer "I've always had a thing for midwest men."

My friends outside of Minnesota in Hawaii, or other warmer parts of the country are always asking "How do you survive Minnesota winters being from Hawaii?" Well, I'm going to answer that once and for all with my top 7 tips in, A Hawaiian's Guide to Surviving Winter in Minnesota. This is how I've done it during the colder months and why I love living here.

1. Learn to make and love a good Hot Dish! One of my favorites is this Enchilada Casserole. I got the recipe from Lifestyle Expert Ross Sveback who happens to also be a friend of mine, which means I make endless calls to him asking how many cups in a pint or what the heck are scallions. He always answers me without judgement, but then asks me if I think his name is google.  I've also learned to make a killer tater tot hot dish and multiple crockpot dishes.

Enchilada Casserole aka: Enchilada Hot Dish

2. Regularly enjoy a dish that reminds you of a warmer place. For me it's sashimi, which I can't get enough of. My raw fish addiction regularly takes me to Yumi's Sushi Bar in Excelsior, which has the best sushi I've had in the country, including Hawaii. I'm obsessed with their Chirashi Bowl, which is a mix of sashimi on a bed of rice. I usually order a side of salmon belly and seaweed salad.

Yumi's Sushi Bar in Excelsior, Minnesota

3. Try new wines with friends, or even the dog. There is nothing more cozy than sipping a lovely glass of wine next to a roaring fire. A great way to pass the time during the winter is to do so with friends, the two-legged or even four-legged variety. I make weekly stops at Excelsior Vintage to try new wines during their weekly wine tastings Fridays and Saturdays. They are wonderful at helping you with not just food and wine pairings, but pairing wines with activities. For example I can ask Greg or Susan "Which wine goes best with a bubble bath." or "Can you recommend a wine that will go well with binge watching something on Netflix?"

4. Learn to embrace winter activities. This one took me almost two decades. I finally now enjoy snowmobiling, fires outside during the winter and even ice skating. It isn't always colder than a polar bear's balls here in Minnesota. Last winter was quite mild.

Embracing Minnesota Outdoors

5. Puzzles, puzzles and more puzzles. I discovered I have a passion for puzzles, which by the way goes well with my passion for wine. I love to sit inside on a cold day, listen to music, enjoy a glass of my favorite Sauvignon Blanc and puzzle my heart out! It's very relaxing! I find many of my puzzles at The General Store in Minnetonka.

One of my most recently completed 1000 piece puzzles.

6. When all else fails, plan a warm getaway. Recently I took a cruise around the Greek Isles with Just Girls Travel. I made memories that will keep me warm all winter long.

My breakfast view on Silversea Cruises throughout the Greek Isles

7. Embrace the beauty of a Minnesota winter day. Winter is actually quite gorgeous and scenic in Minnesota. If you are going to be dealing with the cold, it may as well be in a beautiful place. For me that is the Lake Minnetonka area. Plus there is always happy hour at Coalition Restaurant!

Lake Minnetonka on a beautiful winter day