Celebrating My Mom and Her Wise Words

My mom and I a few years back

Tragedy and loss have a way of helping you to keep things in perspective. Four years ago today my mother Donna-Gail Wilcock died, surrounded by family. She was there when I took my first breath and I was there when she took her last.


I've come a long way in dealing with the loss of my mom, but on the anniversary of her death I seem to re-live the day in a way that feels beyond my control. So, I let the tears fall and the memories of that day come flooding back.

My mother was not complicated but she was complex. She wasn't the best mother in the world, but she was the best mother for me. Donna-Gail was a strong woman who knew her weaknesses, wasn't afraid to laugh at herself and could give a shit about what you thought about her love of dancing in the rain with her grandson.

There are a few things she taught me in life that I want to remember and share today.

My mother's life advice:

"You can only control what you can control."
Getting to the airport on time is in my control, the flight being delayed is out of my control. Someone choosing to spread slanderous rumors about me is out of my control. Me TPing their house is in my control.

My mother's advice on relationships:

"The man is the head of the household, but a smart woman is the neck and she knows how to turn the head."
It's possible my mom got that from a movie, probably The Joy Luck Club, which she loved to quote often.  Regardless, it make sense.

My mother's words on family:

My mom with my middle daughter when she graduated.

"It's easy to appreciate memory."
This is one my mom said often, especially to the grandkids when they weren't making time for her. It was her way of saying you had better appreciate me while I'm here. Another good one I'm fairly sure she got from The Joy Luck Club.

My mother's advice on health:

"Poop with a nice S curve to it is the sign of a healthy digestive system."
Yes, my mom would often inquire about the shape of my feces, even well into my adult years. She also liked to bring her own up in conversation. Oddly, this advice came in nicely as a parent and I educated my own children on the power of the S curve.

My mother's advice on pets:

My mom protecting Lee Ling from the eagles and owls.

"Always dress your small dog in an outfit. That way an eagle or owl won't mistake them for a rodent and fly off with them." 
My mother had a deaf chihuahua named Lee Ling (Probably a name from The Joy Luck Club now that I think about it.) whom she loved to dress up and protect from the eagles and owls of Lake Minnetonka. I must admit, I did follow this advice when I had small dogs. Sounded crazy, but kind of made sense.

There is so much more, but for whatever reason those are the ones I'm thinking of today as I remember and celebrate her.