My Vagina is a Portal & My Top 3 Parenting Tips

Yesterday I had all three of my offspring home together.  With two kids in college, this is no longer an everyday occurrence.  The older two go to school and live about an hour and twenty minutes away, they often come home to shop for free in my pantry, ask for money or steal my hairspray.

It seems that having college aged kids is like paying for the privilege of being robbed by panhandlers with great hair.

Despite my perfectly imperfect parenting style, these three kids have turned out to be pretty dang awesome.  It's not like they can walk on water or one of them has cured cancer or anything, but that they are creative, productive human beings pursuing their dreams.

Having been a parent for going on 23 years now, I consider myself to be somewhat of an expert on the subject.  As an expert, I will be sharing with you my "Top 3 tips for parenting teens."

I'm also convinced that my vagina is a portal, a portal that amazing people come out of.  Though, I'd like to state for the record right now, this portal closed to anymore babies.

The three amazing people who came out of my vaginal portal

TOP 3 TIPS FOR PARENTING TEENS 

1. This first one helped my girls navigate the teenage world of touchy feely boys. In regard to underage dating the rule is:

If you would do it with your father, you can do it with your boyfriend.  The beauty of this rule is that each time that boyfriend tries to cop a feel where he shouldn't be, your daughter will think about her father and be thoroughly grossed out and push him away.  This one totally worked with my girls!

2. Your teenager does NOT have the right to privacy.  They can earn the privilege of privacy by making good life choices.  The second you detect the possibility of shenanigans, you get busy getting to the bottom of it. Make sure there is a trash can in your teens room and go through it regularly.  If you see your teen emptying their own trash, immediately dumpster dive and find what they are trying to sneak out.

3. Learn and use social media. Follow them and their friends on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.  If you find photos of their friends engaging in behavior their parents wouldn't approve of, download those photos.  Use them later to blackmail your own teen into better choices, otherwise you send the pics to the parent of the offender.

A note on #3:  Of course if you find out their friends are truly doing something dangerous, by all means inform the kid's parents.