My Gay Soulmate

If I were a gay man I would marry my friend James.  He gets me.  I can text him the most vile, bizarre photos or comments and it doesn't phase the man one bit.

We have so much in common.  We are both borderline addicted to the sleep aid Unisom, and both can't stand fake people.  He is my go-to guy when I need a serious catty bitch session to blow off some steam.  Because we love each other we have plans to go to Unisom rehab together if our  use gets out of control.  Here is a recent texting conversation we had about what would happen if we went to rehab.

James:  We would just openly talk about people in front of them as if they weren't right there.  It would be hilarious.  Like people would be talking about their issues and I'd look at you and be all like "Blah, blah, blah and btw wtf is SHE wearing?  Is she high now?

Me: And we would take pics of their stupidity and post them on fb.

James:  "Out" all the patients on FB!!! Tag their asses with their real names and provide captions about what junkies they are.  Like: " This is Frank Jones.  Millbury Middle School principal and gay for drug money."

Me: LOL I almost pissed myself laughing.  Love it.  Better yet we blackmail them for sexual favors.

In reality we would never do such a thing. At least I wouldn't, I'm not so sure about James ;)  The important thing is that I have my Gay BFF who gets my twisted side along with my "normal" side.  Unconditional love at its best.