My Email Exchange With Mitt Romney

With my vision still blury from a not so great night's sleep, I powered up my iPhone and checked my email as I do each morning.

There before me today was an email from Mitt Romney.  Now, I don't recall giving Mitt my email address.  I'm pretty sure the stud muffin had something to do with Mitt getting my email address.  My Republican husband fears for my vote in the way my Baptist Grandma fears for my eternal soul.

I'm not a political person.  While the Republican National Convention has been on TV, I've been catching up on episodes of The Real Housewives of New York and also New Jersey.

My significant other went so far as to offer me a back rub if I watched the RNC with him.  I let him know that I really needed to finish my Real Housewives show as the Countess very possibly just cheated on her French boyfriend with a Johnny Depp look alike.

Though I appreciate Mitt reaching out via email letting me know he was going to be taking the podium last night at the RNC, I'm not so thrilled that he tried to hit me up for $20.12.  I'm not giving him $20.12, but I did make him an offer he may not be able to refuse.

Here is my email back to him:

Mitt,

I missed your speech as I was catching up on episodes of the Real Housewives of New York.  I'm leaning towards voting for you, in large part because I fear my significant other may leave me if I vote for Obama.  Though, I'm not going to send you $20.12.  

What I will do is offer you a spot on my blog Mommalicious In Suburbia, in my sponsored ad space. For only $45.00 a month you can have a 125x125 ad.  Have your people email me and we can get that set up.  

Natalie Hagemo

Mommalicious In Suburbia

www.mommaliciousinsuburbia.com

I'll let you know what I hear back.  To be fair I'm offering the same deal to Obama's people.

Goodbye Dog Days of Summer

Summer is quickly winding down and I'm ready to be done with it. I've had my fill of hot days and beach time.  Summer was my whore and I'm done with her.

In May I spent time back home on the beaches of Hawaii scattering my mother's ashes.  Most recently I spent 8 days in Puerto Rico being "The Assistant to the Title Holder", cheering on my friend Tamara Jett at the Ms. World International Pageant.

In between traveling I've spent the summer doing intense research to find the "Top 3 Happy Hour Spots in Excelsior."

I live in Minnesota because I don't like to experience any one season for too long.  Living in a place that has every season to its extreme, a few months at a time, works well for me.

Though I'm ready to embrace my fall wardrobe and the delightful smell of fireplaces lingering in the air, I'm going to miss outdoor happy hours.

I couldn't let summer slip away without hosting a Doggie Happy Hour for a few friends and our four legged babies, with my darling Maltese Loki.  Despite the fact that I'm off the sauce due to my fitness training adventure with Jason Young of Youngquest Fitness, I still had a good time.  Sipping sparkling water instead of wine is not as fun at happy hour, but I still managed to squeeze out a good time.

Here is our Doggie Happy Hour group at Jake O'Connor's in Excelsior.

Loki likes to hangout with his buddy Teddy, even though Teddy can be a bit of a crab-ass.  They share a love of doggie martinis.

Loki and his Pom buddy Teddy

How is your summer winding down?

Coming Out About The Minnesota State Fair

I'm sure your State has a State Fair.  Here in Minnesota it's known as The Great Minnesota Get Together. Ours is one of the largest State Fairs in the country.  I'm well aware that my views on the fair may go over like a fart in church, but I can't take it anymore.

Despite my 19 years in Minnesota, I've only been to the State Fair twice.  I'm just not a fan.  Don't get me wrong, the Minnesota State Fair has much to offer if you are into that kind of thing.  It's just not my thing.  The only thing that truly interest me is the Spam booth.  My fair loving friend Cami texted me this photo while she was there.  She knows that like a good Hawaiian, I love my Spam.

The Spam booth at the fair

The State Fair tends to be crowded, hot and full of food that will make me feel sick, except for the Spam.  The food is delcious, but I know it will leave me feeling like Lindsey Lohan the morning after a binger.

My friend James says "It's full of dirty people."  For the record it's not full of dirty people.  More accurately only about 1/4 of the people there are truly dirty, and when he says dirty he doesn't mean in a sexual way, but actually having dirt on themselves.  Though now that I think about it, 1/4 of the people at the fair are probably sexual deviants, so both definitions of dirty would apply.

Some of my best friends are fair fanatics!  They spend the 12 or so days that the fair is happening, trying to peer pressure me into going.  They say things like "You haven't tried it with me.  You just need the right person to show you how it's done." All of them treating me like I'm a lesbian who only needs the right man to show her what she's missing.

The other day I found myself starting to entertain the idea that maybe my fanatic fair friends are right, and I should go to the fair this year.  Luckily James took me to lunch to celebrate my coming birthday, and talked me off the ledge.

We sat in a not crowded, air conditioned Kona Grill, enjoying sea bass and filet mignon, while James reminded me that a State Fair goer just isn't who I am.

Delicious birthday lunch

I'm not saying I'll never experiment and go to the fair.  I'm saying that I'm coming out with my feelings about it.  I don't like the Minnesota State Fair.  It just doesn't float my boat.

Friends Don't Let Friends Smudge Alone

Because of my eccentric and colorful background, my response to the sufferings of my friends often differs from others.

When someone dies most people bring over food.  Here in Minnesota the food choice is usually some type of hot dish with tater tots or cookie bars of some sort.  I'm not a fan of cooking, but I will show up with a gift card to a fabulous restaurant.  I'll even take the extra step and make sure they provide takeout.

Recently my friend Cami experienced a string of bad luck and odd goings on in her home.  You might remember Cami as my fellow Real Housewife Wanna Be.

Realizing that Cami was in need I did what had to be done.  I grabbed my smudge stick and went to Cami's to smudge her house.    Smudging is a smoke cleansing ritual that the Native Americans do to cleanse a person, place or space.  It's like doing a spiritual housecleaning.

Now you may be wondering what qualifies me to do such a thing.  Well first off, I'm part Native American so it's in my DNA.  Secondly, I watched a youtube video on it.

Here I am cleansing Cami's house of negative energy

We were sure to smudge each room, and each nook and cranny.  Cami participated in the ritual.

Cami getting her smudge on

It wasn't lost on us that the smudge stick resembles a smoking penis, if a penis were to spew smoke.

As a closing to the ritual we went to happy hour.  The youtube video didn't include having wine at the end, but I thought it was an effective way to end a ritual chasing out negative energy.

Right away Cami's luck started to turn around as evidenced by a phone call she got while we were at happy hour.  So far it looks like the ritual worked.  Her house smells a bit like an Asian opium den because of the herbs in the smudge, but things are looking up.

Top 3 Tips For Parenting Teens

In some parts of the country kids have already returned to school.  Here in Minnesota we have just under two weeks to go until the mother's in this State are able to collectively exhale a sigh of relief.

For now, I'm down to one almost 14 year old boy living at home.  I say for now because I'm sure my two older girls will eventually boomarang home after college.

Many moms have kids going into High School for the first time.  I'm asked all the time for my tips on how to handle teen dating, discipline and more.  Okay, maybe I'm not asked so much as I push my parenting tips off on others.  Regardless, here you are and you are welcome.

My Top 3 Tips on Parenting Teens

1. Dating: If you would do it with your father, you can do it with your boyfriend.  This is what I told my daughter's when we discussed boundaries when dating as teens in high school.  They might sit close to dad, hold his hand and even kiss him on the cheek.  Anything they are willing to do with dad they can do with their boyfriend.

The great thing about sharing this tip with your teens and making it a rule, is that each time a boy makes a move on your teenage daughter, she will immediately think of her father.  My daughters have told me it is a total buzz kill as far as romance goes, therefore this works.  I'm not saying they won't possibly need therapy later.

2. Discipline: Contact your cell phone service provider and set it up so that you can shut off your teen's phone instantly.  Once kids stop believing in Santa there isn't much you can hold over them.  Whipping out your phone and threatening to call Santa to share that they are refusing to clean their room doesn't work anymore.  

What does work is shutting down their cell phone.  Most service providers have a way of doing this quite easily.  It takes a simple phone call to shut it off and a phone call to turn it back on, once your teen becomes compliant.  This handles the issue of sometimes not being able to physically take the cell phone from them.

3. Wardrobe: Wear your daughter's inappropriate clothes to her school.  Teenage girls often like to dress like hoochies.  The solution to this is simple.  The next time your daughter puts on a low cut top that screams "Cheap and desperate", threaten to wear it to pick her up from school.  Trust me when I say you only have to follow through on this one time before she knows you are serious.

Yes, it can be a little uncomfortable as a parent to show up looking like a hooker at your teen's school, but as parents we have to sacrafice for the well-being of our kids.

Any of these tips for teenage girl's will work with teenage boys as well.

Kids, Cookies, and the TSA

After 22 years of parenting I've learned that a dash of dysfunction is healthy.  It serves to develop a sense of humor in kids and adults.  It takes talent to maintain the correct balance of dysfunction.  Enough to be able to appreciate the humor in our pitfalls, but not enough to require us to be checked into a facility.

My kids have not experienced true dysfunction in terms of abuse, addiction or severe mental illness.  The worst they can complain about is that I embarrass them and I tend to be neurotic.  They have learned to live with this, and accept me for who I am, as I have worked to accept them for who they are.

Because I strive to live a perfectly imperfect life, I can hardly expect my kids to get it right all the time, or to do or experience things as I would.

I've done quite a bit of traveling and consider myself to be a savvy travler. I'm the person you want to get behind going through airport security, which I usually breeze through because I know what I'm doing.

My oldest daughter Shelby just left for a study abroad program in Spain.  Despite the fact that she has traveled quite a bit, she continues to have issues at airport security.  Here is a text I received from her after I dropped her off at the airport.

Several years ago Shelby was patted down after TSA agents found handcuffs in her carry on bag.  I don't recall why she needed handcuffs when flying from Minneapolis to Sacramento, but apparently at 13 she did.

My middle child is almost 20, in college, and has been out of the house for about a year.  She is only an hour and a half drive away and comes home every few weeks to see her siblings, and grocery shop in my kitchen.  Here is a text I received from her letting me know she was coming home.  She is addicted to apps that make her look portly or old.

My son Jared is almost 14.  He went on a tour of museums in Chicago.  I had visions of Jared and I discussing our favorite artists over hot chocolate upon his return.  Alas, he did not transform into an art appreciating son.  Instead he spent most of the trip turning sculptures into hat models, using his own hat, and texting me the photos.

At the end of the day our kids are like cookies.  As parents we pick and mix the ingredients, but we can't guarantee how they will look or taste out of the oven.

How do your kids surprise you?

Just Call Me Mother Teresa

If you know me, you know I am reluctant to share the intimate details of the lives of those I love.  If you know me well, you know that I just lied.

One of the reasons I started blogging years ago was to share with the world the gems of wisdom and hilarity that came out of my mother's mouth.  Things like when she thought her deaf chihuahua could read lips, or the time she was convinced she got pneumonia from being exposed to cat pee.

A phrase I often heard from my mom was "If you put that on your blog I'm going to kill you."  Being the good daughter that I am, I never let that stop me from writing about her.  I inherited my sense of humor from my mom.  She always eventualy got a chuckle out of what I wrote about her, even if it mortified her in the moment.

That being said, my family and friends know that what happens with them in real life, may very well end up on my blog.  This doesn't stop them from inviting me along on things.

Recently I've become quite the caretaker, some might even say "miracle healer."  Okay, no one has called me a miracle healer, but  I make a good driver to and from, if you are having a medical procedure.  I'll gather up your care instructions, hold your hand, and of course take photos, which I'll then post on facebook, twitter and my blog.

Here is my Gay BFF James when I took him for his Lasik procedure. Note the comforting stuffed puppy he is holding.

James going under the laser

I jumped at the chance to support my sister Lana when she had to get four wisdom teeth pulled out.  Lana hates pain more than most of us and was very nervous about the procedure.  Here she is before.

Lana before going under

Here is Lana fresh out of her oral surgery.

Lana waking up

I took my photos before I saw this sign.

If you need someone to chaparone you to a medical procedure, I'm your gal.  I'm in the market for attending a colonoscopy, so keep that in mind.  Just give me enough lead time to charge my camera.

He's Sexy and He Knows It!

If you have followed my blog for awhile, or follow me on facebook, twitter, or instagram, you know that I'm over the moon crazy about my little Maltese named Loki.

Loki in his car seat after a spa day

 For years I've made fun of people who treated their little dogs like children.  I have to admit, I'm drinking the doggie kool-aid.  During a recent camping trip I was in my tent talking to Loki "How's my baby, are you cold?" I then heard a woman in a nearby tent say in a hushed voice, "I think she is talking to her dog."

My Loki has his own car seat.  He loves to ride shotgun, but my 13 year old won't shut up about being made to sit in the backseat when Loki is in the car, so now Loki sits mostly in the back.

Loki has been featured in Lake Minnetonka Magazine as being "The Toast of Lake Minnetonka".  Okay, they were quoting me saying that about him, but it's still in print and therefore true.

Loki gets blueberry facials and enjoys spa days with his stylist and groomer Susie Crary. He loves playing fetch and peek-a-boo.

Playing peek-a-boo

So yes, I've become one of those crazy dog loving people.  When I travel I often share readily available pics of my Loki.  When asked about my children I have to search my phone for a pic of the kids.

Don't get me wrong, I love the heck out of my kids and will not hesitate to cut you should you hurt one of them.  The thing is, they are 22, 20 and 13. The 13 year old is taller than me and won't let me cuddle him.  My children have betrayed me by growing up.

Loki will never grow up.  He will always look like a little baby puppy, letting me sing to him, cuddle him and baby him.  Friends have often said "Are you sure you don't want another child?"  Hell no! Loki is the perfect baby for me because I can still lock him in the bathroom without getting the authorities involved.

Do You Know What Your Kids Are Up To on Facebook?

With one in six people on facebook, it has become it's own country.  You wouldn't send your teenager off into a foreign land with no supervision, yet I see parents floating down the river of denial when it comes to their teens and facebook, or other forms of social media.

I joined facebook about five years ago when my teenage daughters first hopped on.  My reason for joining facebook at that time was to spy and infiltrate, ahem... I mean monitor and supervise what my teenage girls were doing online and offline.

Years later I find myself using social media such as facebook, as much as, if not more than my kids do.

I often ask other parents if they are on facebook or if they are friends with their kids on facebook.  I'm shocked by how often the answer I get back is a smug "I don't have time to sit on the internet and play on facebook."  Seriously?

Well, while you are on your high horse of "I don't have time for such nonesense," I'm seeing photos of your 16 year old doing keg stands at a frat party.

Tips For Using Facebook As a Parenting Tool

1. Teenagers are not always the smartest tools in the shed.  They will often incriminate themselves with photographic evidence of their less than legal or parent approved activities.  Even if you are friends with your kids on facebook, there are settings where they can block you from seeing certain posts or photos.  But, more often than not the ding dongs just post away in the moment.  Also, their friends post photos of their shinanigans and don't think to make the photo private or block you.  Play around with it and you can find all kinds of photos of your kids and their friends.

My own child, now turned adult, once posted a photo of herself in a garage with other underage kids drinking alcohol.  Color evidence of her not only breaking the law, but being where she wasn't supposed to be.  Of course I grounded her, had the photo taken down and copied the photo, which was posted by one of her not so bright friends.  The internet is forever people!

2. Copy photos that incrimate your kid's friends doing things that would get them in trouble with their parents.  Now this might sound strange but hear me out.  

I could ground my daugher till the cows came home, but nothing tuned up her attitude or behavior quicker than threating to go to the parents of her friends with photographic evidence of their shenanigens.  Save those photos!  

This doesn't mean I wouldn't intervene if I thought someone else's kid was truly heading down a wrong path.  I've gone to more than one parent with the bad news about what their child was up to.  I'd want to know.

3. Educate your kids on the fact that the internet is forever.  In the same way I can copy photos of their friends and their antics, so can anyone else.  

4. As they get older, pick your battles.  I was more successful in getting my daughters to take down inappropriate photos when I asked them to, rather than ordered them to.  Not that I didn't do plenty of ordering.  In time I realized if I asked politely they would remove the photos.  It saved me the trouble of having to blackmail their friends.

5. When your teen first gets online, put your rules in writing and have them sign it.  Clearly state the consequences for breaking the rules and follow through.  This starts them out on the right foot, with known boundaries.  

Online or in real life, we can't always be there to stop our kids from making mistakes, but we can sure as hell make it harder for them to do so.  Let them know you are watching!

Traveling With Babies and Why Benardryl and Booze Are Your Friend

I've been a parent for 21 years, which makes me an expert on the subject of parenting, or at least neurotic parenting.  As families wrap up their summer travels, I thought I'd share a couple of tips.

Tips For Flying With Small Children

 #1.  Don't do it.  At all cost avoid flying with little kids.  My rule of thumb is, if you can't wipe the poop off your own butt you shouldn't be on an airplane.  Save the cost and hassle of bringing your kids and hire a sitter, unless you can dump them on family members.  Take the money you will save and use it towards a romantic trip with your spouse.  Your kids will learn that they can survive just fine without you, making them more well rounded individuals.  Plus you will return home feeling refreshed and be a whole new improved parent.  We take vacations from work, and we need vacations from our kids.

#2.  Benadryl is your friend.  If it is unavoidable and you must take your screaming infant or obnoxious toddler on a flight, give them some Benadryl.  Not only will it help with sinus pressure, but they will sleep through most of the flight if you are lucky.  If you won't sedate your kids for yourself, do it for the well-being of us other passengers.

I just returned on a flight from a great trip to Puerto Rico.  Across from me a mom and a set of obnoxious, active twin toddlers sat down.  After 20 minutes of their bullshit, I kindly leaned over with my bottle of Benadryl, which I'm thoughtful enough to carry in case parents are out of their own supply.  I gave the mom a knowing smile, gave my bottle of pills a little shake and said "Would you like to use some of my Benadryl. I'm out of the children's version, but I bet they could split one pill just fine."

The young mom looked at me perplexed.  I realized she must be a first time mom and this is probably her first flight with the twins.  To clarify things for her I helpfully said "It will put them right to sleep and help with any sinus pressure from the flight." Well, this ungrateful newbie recoiled back like I was offering her and her kids meth made in my basement.

With a bitchy "No thank you!" she turned and retrieved one of the little rug rats who was standing in his seat screaming "Mine, mine!" at the people in the seat behind him.  Some people just don't recognize a life line when one is offered.  I'm pretty sure she asked to be moved as I heard the flight attendant tell her the flight was full and there was nothing she could do.

#3.  Set aside money in your travel budget to buy cocktails for all of the people your kids will no doubt annoy.  People become very forgiving when the free drinks are flying.  I learned this lesson when my 5 month old son had a sudden, unexpected case of explosive non-stop diarrhea while on a flight from Minneapolis to Tampa.  I thought 3 diapers was plenty for a 3 hour flight.  I was wrong.  You haven't experienced true suffering until you have run out of diapers, while trapped on a plane with a baby who has explosive diarrhea.

The smell was so bad I thought something had crawled up his little bum and died.  I bought multiple cocktails for the people around us and by the time the plane landed they were toasting his poor little raw butt.

What are your tips for traveling with small children?

Flying the Nest Armed With Mace

Somehow my once little girl who cut her own bangs off, then tried to lie about it while surrounded by hair and holding scissors, has become a 22 year old adult.  Technically she turns 22 in a week.

Here is a recent photo of my daughter Shelby.

Okay, that's not Shelby.  I don't know who that is.  I found the photo online and assigned it to my gay BFF James in my phone.  When he calls me that is the photo that shows up with his name.

Here is the real Shelby.

My oldest daughter Shelby

Shelby is leaving for Madrid later this week, where she will study and then backpack around Europe.  As her mother I go back and forth between being mortified and proud.

Unfortunately Shelby inherited my complete lack of a sense of direction.  I get turned around in parking lots.  If it wasn't for my GPS I'd still be trying to find my way home from last summer's road trip.

Though Shelby suffers from a similar affliction, she is much smarter than I am.  Her 13 year old brother will be screwed when she leaves if I have to help him with his homework.

Our little birds eventually leave the nest and find their own adventures.  Though I'm making sure mine does so armed with mace and basic self defense moves.  I've also made her watch the movie "Taken" with Liam Neeson, 3 times.

It's quite possible that if a stranger approaches her with the slightest hint of inappropriateness, that he will find himself with a kick to the balls and a face of pepper spray.  Some say I've gone too far with my paranoia.  They just doesn't understand what it's like to be the mother of girls.

What do you think?  Are you prepared for your kids to fly the nest?

Pageants, Pigeons, Mojitos and Bloddy Feet

I'm back home from Puerto Rico and the Ms. World International Pageant.  My good friend Tamara Jett competed as Ms. Midwest World and captured the 2nd Runner-Up spot in the competition.

Tamara Jett and Pageant Judge Beth Nordyke

As the assistant to the title holder I had quite the unique exeprience.  Some of which I've talked about in my earlier post "Please Don't Speak Directly To The Title Holder".

We stayed at the beautiful El San Juan Resort and Casino, which was definitely one of the more gorgeous hotels I've ever had the pleasure of spending time at.  I'm not sure if I was more thrilled with the surrounding beauty of the grounds and ocean, or the fact that our lovely housekeeper Carmen was cleaning up after me and making my bed.

Lobby of the El San Juan Resort and Casino

Our room which overlooked the pool and ocean

By far, the highlight of this trip was meeting people from all over the world, and making new friends.  I told Tamara that she now has some stiff competition as my BFF.

First off, the fabulous Kruger family from South Africa.  I learned we not only shared a love of mojitos, but also an agreement that peeing in the ocean was completely acceptable.

The stud muffin and I are already making plans to visit them in South Africa, where we would love to renew our wedding vows during our 15th anniversary next April.

Maritha, Jacoline and I enjoying a day of mojitos and sun

Jacoline's sister Jeanette Kruger-Hibbins placed as the 3rd runner-up in the pageant and was voted as the International People's Choice winner!  Jeantte does an amazing amount of charitable work in her homeland of South Africa.

I shared a lot of laughter with my new friends from Alabama and Michican.  Miss Mary and Miss Bertha who are sisters.  We had a blast over champagne bellinis in the hotel lobby.  I discovered that Miss Mary lived in Saudi Arabia for 11 years and that Miss Bertha will sneak off to the casino if you don't keep an eye on her.

Mary, myself and Bertha, who I think is contemplating her
 next trip to the penny slots

While Tamara was at rehearsals or at an appearance I would hightail it to the pool.  It was there that I met Chris and Bob from Virginia.  They have been together for 20 years!  They are bound by love and business as they run a successful catering and event planning business together.

These guys were the eyes and ears of the pool area, apparently witnessing quite a bit of drunken pigeon chasing by a guest who shall remain unnamed.  I hope to be able to meet up with them for dinner when I'm in Washington D.C. next month.

Chris, Bob and I on a pigeon free day

Another couple was celebrating their anniversary, having been together for 34 years.  Ava St. Pierre Cogburn and Rodney Cogburn.  Lovely people from Colorado.  Ava was a beautiful Ms. Colorado and made it to the finals.

Ava and Rod, two of the nicest people you will ever meet. PS. I stole this photo from Ava's facebook page ;)

In addition to being a gorgeous grandma, beauty queen and the woman behind the St. Pierre Skincare line, Ava knows her way around big game hunting.  She and Rodney run an outfitting business which takes people out big game hunting in Colorado.

The only hunting I've ever done has been searching for the best clearance buys at Macy's, but Ava, Rod and I will be making plans to turn me into a big game hunter and work on my survival skills.  All of which will come in handy when the Zombie Apocalypse happens.

The Eastern States were represented by Ewa Dzwierzynski and her husband Thomas Mann.  Ewa made the top 8!  She and Thomas were soooo much fun!  After the pageant Ewa litteraly danced until her feet bled.  She slapped some napkins on her wounds and kept going, hardly missing a beat.

Despite my best facebook stalking efforts, I couldn't find a recent photo of Ewa and Thomas together so I spliced together this one.

Ewa and Thomas from Rhode Island

There are so many more new friends that I could mention, but I have to get going as unlike in Puerto Rico, I don't have Carmen coming in to clean or make my bed.  I left my family home without me for a week, leaving me a mountain of laundry and cleaning to do myself.  So, I had better get to it.

Congratulations to the new Ms. World International 2012 Juanita Ingram from Great Britian.  Thank you to Stephanie Hunt for creating the Ms. World International pageant, which celebrates the beauty, elegance and sophistication of women 35 or older.

Please Don't Speak Directly to the Title Holder!

I'm in Puerto Rico for a week, supporting my BFF Tamara Jett, the current Ms. Midwest World International, at the Ms. World International Pageant.  My official title is "The Assistant to The Title Holder", and I take my role seriously.

Tamara and I shopping in Old San Juan

Tamara's schedule is packed with everything from rehearsals to visiting the home of the honorable Governor of Puerto Rico. Oddly, I wasn't invited along on that one.  I'm sure it's because I'm from Hawaii and the people of Puerto Rico resent us because our beaches are nicer.

 As the Assistant to the Title Holder I've been coordinating her social media, helping to prepare her wardrobe, and stopping the masses from speaking directly to the title holder.  Though, she keeps telling me that last part is not neccsessary and I need to stop saying "Please don't speak directly to the title holder" when the waitstaff asks to take her order in a restaurant.

Buidling her gift boxes. I don't craft for just anyone

It's not all work, work, work.  Tamara said if I did a good job of steaming her gown, I could then attend the red carpet party, which I did.

Channeling Cinderella as I steam, steam, steam

All joking aside, this has been an incredible trip so far.  I've made new friends from all over the world.  I've become particularly fond of my new friend Jacoline from South Africa.  I almost considered dumping Tamara as my BFF in favor of Jacoline.  Especially after Tamara woke my butt up at 6:00am two days in a row.

My new friend Jacoline from South Africa

Tamara and I like to say "There is no "I" in crown".  We are a team and it is Team Jett all the way!  I'm the half of the team that gets to sip cocktails poolside while she is at rehearsal.

My day in beverages

Call Me Maybe...

So I'm at home busily packing for my trip to Puerto Rico, minding my own business when I get a text message from a number I don't recognize saying, "Guess who?"

The number wasn't familiar to me at all.  Despite having bathing suits, and granny panties (the best kind to fly in, more on that in another post) strewn all over my bed as I busily packed, I played along and texted back, "Hmmm I'll need a hint."

At best I thought it could be an old friend reconnecting, and at worst someone trying to sell me Amway or make me a sister-wife.  The later two being my two top fears when meeting new people.

The hint texted back was this photo:

Though I have a significant other, I'm not dead and I have eyes.  After taking a few seconds to contemplate this photo, I realized he had the wrong number.  Okay, maybe I studied it for two minutes and I might have texted it to my college aged daughters saying "Meet your new daddy."

After awaking from fantasy land I texted him back letting him know that though I appreciated the photo, he had the wrong number.

After a few more texts back and forth he realized that he did indeed have the wrong number.  Unfortunatley he wasn't looking for a 40 something year old mother of 3 in the midwest.

Instead he was trying to reach a girl he knows named Ashley who just changed her number, but apparently incorrectly memorized my number, which is the one she gave him.

God only knows who else she may have shared my number with, though if her friends look like this guy I'm not going to complain.  There could be worse things than being sent photos of attractive young men.  Like someone trying to sell you Amway or trying to make you a sister-wife.