My kids are 11, 17 about to turn 18 and my oldest will be 20 in a few weeks. For awhile I've been struggling with transitioning from parenting children to parenting young adults.
It's a transition I've resisted for awhile. I still order off the kids menu for my 17 year old and make her see a Pediatrician. Both things she is refusing to do anymore. I can't seem to bring myself to see her as anything but the 12 year old little girl she once was.
How do I go from directing their play dates to letting them choose their own friends? Especially when a few of these friends display the common sense a tomato.
Yesterday I went on a portage with my three kids and my brother in law in Northern Minnesota. My kids and I shared a canoe while my brother in law followed in a kayak. I was comfortable with the three of them in the canoe with me and had two of them helping to paddle, while I paddled and steered the canoe.
The kids helped to carry the canoe and our gear when we crossed land and went into a neighboring lake. I realized how much easier this is to do at their age and size.
While we were stopped on land for a picnic lunch, my two oldest girls decided they wanted to swim across the lake to a campsite they could see. This freaked me out. "No way" was my first response. They were both excited about doing it and confident in their abilities.
I told them they could do it if they wore life jackets. Of course, they said no way. Then my brother in law suggested he follow them in the kayak with the lifejackets in case they needed them. My youngest and I would canoe across and meet them there.
Reluctantly I agreed to this. My son safely in his life jacket and I loaded the canoe and made our way across the lake. I sat on the shore watching the girls make their way across. When they had to rest they floated on their backs and may have even grabbed onto the kayak, but they never grabbed the life jackets, which were right there if they needed them.
They both made it and were very proud of themselves as was I. Watching them swim across I realized that maybe that was the difference between parenting children and parenting young adults. With children wearing the life jacket is mandatory. As they get older maybe it is okay to have the life jackets within reach as they learn how far they can swim without it.
As my older kids learn to find their own boundaries, I'm trying to stay in the canoe and let them. It isn't coming easy, but it's coming.
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