I've been going out quite a bit lately, dinner with friends, galas. Tis the season for squeezing into my Spanx (the modern day girdle) and having a good time.
But, something has been pissing on my parade and chapping my ass. I'm sick and tired of going into public bathrooms and having to perform mental gymnastics in order to figure out how to make the sink work and the paper towels come out.
Do I put my hand under the faucet, over it, wave it across, lift a handle? We have put a man on the moon. We now need uniformity in our bathrooms! Every public bathroom should work the same way. The water starts the same way and the towels dispense the same way.
By the time I get my Spanx off, go to the bathroom, wiggle back into them, and pull up my tights, I'm exhausted enough. The whole process is complicated even more if I've had a couple dirty martinis. The last think I want to do is arm wrestle a damn sink.
Let's stop the madness. Surely there is some law we can pass requiring uniformity in public bathrooms. I'm all for them looking differently, they just need to work the same. At a minimum there should be clear instructions showing how the sink and towel dispenser works, especially in places that serve alcohol.
Some pageant queen somewhere should take this up as a platform. I think I'm onto something.
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