Spring in Excelsior and Canine Kleptomania

Featured in the Sun Sailor April 2017

It’s that time of year when we start to see our neighbors again. Winter hibernation has ended, yard work, gardening and outdoor fun have started. Every spring it’s like a reunion and I love it.

The true sign of spring is when Tommy’s Tonka Trolley opens for the season. At that point you know there is no turning back, only forward marching into summer. It’s the return of bare legs and unfortunately, Crocs.

The kids are out on their scooters, playing football in the neighbor’s yard, and we are all fishing for crappie. We grill year-round but this time of year almost daily if we can help it. I think we single handedly keep the meat department at Kowalski’s in Excelsior in business.

Last fall we expanded our family and added a giant schnauzer named Odin. This month he’s 7 months old and growing like a horse. He’s already close to 50 pounds and only halfway grown.

Odin loves people and animals. He is very friendly but sometimes doesn’t realize how big and strong he is, which is why we watch him closely around small animals and toddlers.

To Odin everyone is a potential friend. He loves meeting other dogs and people on the trail and even cries when they walk away. He likes to cuddle and is never far from one of his humans. In fact, as I write this he is laying on my foot under my desk.

Odin is as perfect a dog for us as a dog can be, there is just one thing that concerns me. It is also something that has been a source of embarrassment. Odin appears to be a thief.

While most dogs take your slippers, gloves, or shoes and chew them up, our Odin steals these items and hordes them in parts of the house. I just found a stash with two hats, a sock and a sleep mask, which he accumulated just this morning. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful that he doesn’t destroy them. It’s just odd.

Sometimes we have him at our store J. Novachis on Water St. We share a connecting door with Amore & Fede. When the door has been left open, Odin dashes over to Amore & Fede, goes straight to their dog’s Zoie’s bed and steals her stuffed rabbit. After he steals the rabbit he runs it back to our store and tries to hide it.

We have new neighbors at home. Yesterday, Odin saw a door open at their house. He took off into the house and escaped with a pair of their socks in his mouth. There is nothing like prying your new neighbor’s socks out of your dog’s slobbery mouth and handing them back to break the ice.

The other day I came home and Odin was wearing a pair of my underwear over his head, not sure how he even managed that. I checked one of his stash sites and sure enough, he had a fork, socks and a flute in his pile.

Again, he doesn’t chew up any of these things. He just puts them in piles in hiding spots around the house or our store like some kind of kleptomaniac hoarder. When I confront him about these stolen items he looks at me like I’m the crazy one.

Overall he is an incredible dog and addition to our family. We are all perfectly imperfect. This is probably Odin’s way of flying his freak flag, or maybe he is protecting our belongings from something. I have no idea.

Just know that if you meet Odin around Excelsior and go to pet him then find your wallet is missing, know we will make sure it is returned.

Is an Eye for an Eye the Right Thing?

Featured in the Lakeshore Weekly News April 2017

During your life so far, you may have found yourself in a situation where you were hurt mentally or physically in a horrible way. How did you feel about the person who hurt you?

It seems to be human nature to want to lash out against the person who hurt you or hurt someone you care about.  An eye for an eye is the law of retaliation, but does retaliation really accomplish anything? Ghandi said, “An eye for an eye ends up making the whole world blind.”

April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month. I’m going to share with you something that happened to me in the spirit of raising awareness.

24 years ago I was sexually assaulted. I was about 22 years old. At the time I worked for the Church of Scientology and was told not to report the assault, or seek medical attention for injuries I sustained. The church didn’t want negative attention or authorities being called to their Los Angeles complex, which is where I was at the time.

I was convinced by individuals within Scientology that I must have done something to provoke what happened to me, therefore I was solely responsible for what happened. It took me almost another 20 years and leaving Scientology to realize what happened to me was not only not my fault in any way shape or form, but it was a heinous crime that should have been reported.

Though the man who assaulted me was a stranger when I met him, I knew who he was. Soon after my assault I moved to Minnesota. I was paranoid about open windows or unlocked doors. There was a fear I lived with. Not a fear of him coming to hurt me, but the idea that someone could. It was ever present.

There was also a heavy shame that I lived with for many years. I was ashamed of what happened to me, ashamed that I didn’t do more to stop it, ashamed that I was a victim.

While I lived with my fear and shame, the man who assaulted me went on with his life. For me the fear and shame was worse than the physical assault, which might sound strange.  My bruises healed, my mind didn’t for a long time.

For years I wanted the man who assault me to feel the fear, pain and shame that I did. I didn’t wish he would die, but I wasn’t going to loose any sleep if he was assaulted himself. I thought maybe an eye for an eye would help me heal.

What did help me heal was finally acknowledging what happened to me and accepting that it was not my fault. More healing came in the last few years when I met and fell in love with a man who made me feel truly safe for the first time in a long time. The love, acceptance and thoughtfulness he shows me every day reminds me that there is more to love about life than there are things to be fearful or hateful about.

There was something else that helped me heal. I read a book called The Shack, which is now a major motion picture. There is a line in the book about forgiveness that I took to heart.  It said, “Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person’s throat.”

Eventually I was able to mentally let go of the throat of the man who assaulted me. I didn’t wish him any harm. Suprisingly, I felt a kind of pity for him when I wondered what must have happened to him in life to make him think what he did to me and possibly other women, was an ok thing to do?

Days ago I found out that the man who assaulted me 24 years ago died of cancer at age 50. It took me a few days to process the information and how I felt about it. I was surprised to realize it didn’t make me happy to know he probably died a painful death that could have been dragged out.

At the same time, I wasn’t sad about his passing. I felt compassion for his wife and young children. They are the innocents who have no idea what he did 24 years ago nor do they have anything to do with it.

His death didn’t bring me any closure or relief. That is because I realized that I already had that closure and relief. For me, I have to agree with Ghandi in that an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Healing and closure will never come from hurting someone else. Love though, love is a powerful source of healing.

Imperfectly Yours,

Natalie

How do You Feel About Aging?

Featured in the Lakeshore Weekly News

I’ve heard certain individuals say they embrace it and that they aren’t fighting it one bit. I’m not that individual. Truly, I wish I was someone who embraced wrinkles, and gray hair, but I’m not.

Now, there might be a point where I do embrace it. I love how my 86 year old Grandmother looks. She has beautiful white hair, an amazing smile and is always surrounded by young men at a party. Her name is BettyWebster and she lives on the Big Island of Hawaii. She recently became a Guinness Book of World Records holder for having the largest collection of novelty sunglasses in the world. She also still competes in Hula competitions. 

Betty Webster of Waimea Hawaii

My grandmother has an incredible personality and love of fun. She still spends New Year’s Eve in Vegas, while I’m usually asleep by 10:30pm. I’ve learned a lot from her when it comes to truly living. I’m not a late night person, but I do rock an afternoon party.

My Grandma at a party surrounded by no less than 6 young admirers 

My grandmother also takes good care of herself and has for years, making regular trips to the “beauty parlor” as she still calls it. She has her own secrets to looking and feeling fabulous. A big one is she practices self-care.  She puts the time in to taking good care of herself mentally and physically.

Self-care is a concept I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. After going through my surgery and cancer scare a few months ago, I’ve been paying more attention to what I put in and on my body.

Foods, chemicals and toxins can all affect our hormone balances and therefore our moods and lives. I’ve wanted to find a way to maintain my appearance, but in a way that won’t harm my body.

Therese Thull at Untainted in Excelsior creates a line of skincare products that are natural and non-toxic. I found her line and loved it. She introduced me to Beauty Ecology Organic Salon in Wayzata. They have the latest technology in skincare but use only organic, non-toxic products.

Recently I had my first Organic Facial at Beauty Ecology. It was amazing! Taylor Ignoffo was my aesthetician. She curated my facial to fit my needs. My biggest complaint was wrinkles and dry skin.

Ignoffo gave me what is called a Bio Lift. It stimulates cells and educates muscles using a variety of frequencies, basically tightening and lifting.  As a 46 year old woman the words “tighten and lift” are music to my ears.

I’m in the middle of a series of Bio Lifts, you can get 6-8 for the best results. It is like getting a mini facelift, but with no surgery or toxic chemicals. My skin feels tight, I’m already seeing results and I’m thrilled.

The owner of Beauty Ecology is Kassandra Kuel. She is very involved with the formulating of the products they use. I had a few conversations with her about what they do and I realized something.

I realized that the cliché saying “Age is a state of mind.” is actually true! After my first facial and bio lift I felt great and it increased my confidence.  I saw myself differently even though the change to my face was very subtle.  

Taking the time to do something for myself, which made me feel good, but was also good for me was what I needed. Aging, wrinkles, gray hair, those aren’t the culprits. Loosing confidence and a zest for life, that is the culprit when it comes to aging.

Coloring my gray away and caring for my skin are things that I do to take care of myself. Having or not having wrinkles or gray hair is not what will make me happy. Feeling confident, working towards new goals, practicing self care, those are things that affect my quality of life.

First photo is after one bio lift and organic facial second picture after the 2nd

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to stop coloring my gray or getting Bio Lift Facials.  Through an organic experience, I’ve come to realize that these things are what I do for myself. When I do things for myself, I’m a happier, whole person.

What I’ve come to realize is I’m not fighting the aging process, I’m caring for myself. I’d like what I have to last another 50 years. That takes maintenance and self-care. I’m happy I’ve found a way to do it that is good for my body and also the environment.  Who knows, maybe one day I’ll join my Grandmother for a New Year’s Eve in Vegas.

How Do You Define What a Family Is?

Featured in the Sun Sailor

Today’s modern family looks different than it did even several years ago. We have same sex parents, straight parents, step-parents, adoptive parents, grandparents and more, who make up a family in a household.

I’m divorced with three adult children. I live with my love Tony who has two young children, who I’m very involved in raising. We have his boys 50% of the time. Tony and I are not married, nor do we have plans to get married. We are a family and have been for a little over three years.

Tony and I on a recent adventure in Mexico

It takes time, work, patience and acceptance to blend a family. It was an adjustment for the young children, for my older children and for all of the adults involved in raising them. All in all I’m proud of the job we have done and continue to do. 

With all of our kids, even who took a baseball to the mouth

Over time the boys came to me and asked if they could say I was their step-mom because at times it was easier to explain who I was to friends and teachers. They said that I was so much more than their dad’s girlfriend, even if we weren’t married. Since then they have introduced me as their “Bonus mom” or “Step-mom” or just as “Natalie.” I refer to them as my “Bonus kids” or “Step-kids”. They are fine with either. Regardless of labels we know we are a family.

When we have the boys I coordinate their schedules, and work my work schedule around them. We made the decision to design our lives so that one of us, and as often as possible both of us can be with the boys when we have them. I couldn’t be more dedicated to these kids if they were of my own blood. My grown children equally adore them as does my family.

On school forms or sports forms you have to check a box to explain your relationship to the child. There is no “Dad’s girlfriend” or “Bonus mom” box so we always put step-mom. It’s also how I introduce myself to their teachers. Trust me when I tell you school officials don’t take “Dad’s girlfriend” as seriously as they do “Step-mom.”

We had an incident recently where one of the kids was sick at school. The number to call is mine because I’m easier to reach during the day than their dad.  The school nurse on duty refused to tell me what was going on because I was “Not a real parent.” That is what she kept saying to me, “I need to speak to a real parent.” She said, “You are not a real parent.”

This is after I explained that not only was I their step-mom but I was on the emergency contact form. If you have kids in the Minnetonka District, you know there is an area online called CareDox that we fill out for emergency contact information etc.

Now, If I were not listed as an emergency contact I would not fault the school nurse on duty for not communicating with me. What I would fault her for is being incredibly rude. She actually hung up on me when I was mid-sentence explaining again that I was not just a “Real parent”, but an emergency contact.

I called her back and let her that regardless of what was going on, I did not appreciate being hung up on. I point blank told her she was rude.  I then went online to the CareDox forms, took a screen shot of the form that showed I was listed as an emergency contact and emailed it to the school.

Shortly after I received a call from a different school nurse saying they didn’t check CareDox because they were still using an old system. They allowed me to pick up my step-son who was sick.

There isn’t much that rattles me, but that incident left me bothered. First off, I was listed as an emergency contact authorized to pick up the child. The error in missing that on the school’s part is one thing, but what truly bothered me was that this woman thought it was okay to tell me I was not a “real parent.”

I wonder how she defines who and what a parent is? I have designed my life and schedule around these kids. I take care of them, live with them. I work with them on homework, sports, life lessons etc. All the things I did for and with my biological children.

The boys themselves will tell you I’m a parent as would their mom and dad.  Their mom and I coordinate everything for the boys. A blended family is a team effort, one that sometimes comes with issues as does any family. It isn’t always easy, but at the end of the day we are doing this together and I appreciate the efforts of all of the adults involved.

I’m not letting one person’s unenlightened view of what a parent or family is define our family. I’m sharing about it with the hope of shedding light on the fact that families today come in all different shapes and sizes.

Charles Dickens said it well, “Family not only need to consist of merely those whom we share blood, but also for those whom we’d give blood.”

Imperfectly Yours, 

Natalie

You Want to Stick What in my Ear and Set it on Fire?

Have you heard of Ear Candling? Long story short, you put a hollow ear candle in your ear, the other end is lit. Wax and debris is said to be removed form the ear through the process.

In the alternative medicine community there are many benefits given for doing it. The scientific community says it's a bunch of hogwash. Though, these same scientific minds once believed Earth was the only planet with water, which we know today is not true.

It sounded like something fun to try, plus it seemed like a great trust exercise to let my partner stick a candle in my ear, then set fire to it, then letting me do the same to him. I saw it as a modern day trust fall. After a quick trip to Lakewinds Co-Op in Chanhassen, we had our candles.

My hearing hasn't been the greatest over the last few years. I've also developed vertigo. It seems I have a harder time hearing lower tones. Unfortunately this has often meant I don't always hear my man when he is speaking to me, but not looking at me.

Now this is trust!

After a few inches of the candle burns down, you cut the top off then push out what is said to be ear wax. I say said to be, because some believe the debris that is there is not from your ear but from the candle itself.

I didn't have huge expectations, but loved the idea of possibly sucking crap out of my ear.

When I was done getting my treatment I asked my partner in candling and life what the humming noise was. He said it was the humidifier that is one everyday in our bedroom. I had NEVER heard that sound before.

It surprised me so much that I started to cry, wondering what else I wasn't hearing. We went outside and a plane going overhead was louder than I've ever heard it. I could also hear him as he spoke to me while walking away, which before I often couldn't.

Again, I can't say with 100% certainty that the guck that came out of my candle was ear wax, but I can tell you I could hear much better after, surprisingly so. I would totally do it again.

Warning: The image that follows is graphic and gross, if it is indeed crap that was in my ear. If you don't want to see it, don't scroll down. Proceed at your own risk.

Ear wax, debris or candle wax?

Imperfectly Yours,
Natalie

Why I Love the Lake Minnetonka Area

Featured in the Sun Sailor

One of the things I love about the Lake Minnetonka area is how close knit the community is. I’m amazed at how many people were born, raised here and are raising their own families here today.

When you spend time in places like Los Angeles or even New York, you meet so many people who live there who are not from there. I was born and raised in Hawaii, but here I am today living in Excelsior, Minnesota.  

I’ve been a Lake Minnetonka resident for 23 years now. My family in Hawaii is still perplexed by my decision to remain. Mainly, they have a hard time wrapping their heads around our winters.

My sisters and I back home on Oahu

Truth is, I love the seasons, all of them. There is always something to do around here. I’m incredibly excited about the ice freezing on Lake Minnetonka. I’m dying to go ice-skating on it. Last year I tried ice fishing for the first time, and I’m also looking forward to that.

The way that Minnesotans persevere in the pursuit of fun, no matter the weather, is part of what made me fall in love with this area.

Not long ago we had a crazy cold snap. The air temperature was -22. In most parts of the country, that would have shut down towns, but not here. Excelsior was hustling and bustling with people doing their holiday shopping and running errands.

Of course there are times when extreme weather slows things down, but even after 23 years I’m amazed at how people still make things happen. I believe that part of what makes this a close knit community is the extreme weather.

I’ve seen business owners blowing snow, or sweeping leaves not just in front of their own shops, but that of their neighbors. There is a true willingness to help each other out. In certain ways, our survival depends on it at times because of the extreme weather.

A few inches of snow in Seattle would shut down the city, including schools. Here in the Lake Minnetonka area, a few inches of snow is hardly worth the mention. Kids still play outside, people still go to work.

When it is brutally hot out in the summer, people check on their elderly neighbors. Multiple local groups help people who need it to rake their leaves in the fall. There is no shortage of examples of how our community comes together throughout the year.

So yes, Minnesota has extreme weather that can be challenging. But, Minnesotans and especially those I’ve come to love in the Lake Minnetonka area, are extreme in their kindness and thoughtfulness, a compliment to the push back of the elements.

Yes, it may take longer to get places in the winter. This is why we allow more time for travel. Yes, I’ve learned more about frostbite than I ever cared to, but knowledge is power.

I may no longer live on a sandy, tropical beach in Hawaii, but I often feel like I’m living in paradise, even in the winter.  It is the people in this community that make it so. It is the way I see Excelsior businesses working together to help each other and the community.

I’m incredibly excited to see what is to come in 2017 for our community and I’m very thankful to be a part of this community and to call the Lake Minnetonka area my home.

Happy New Year From Odin and I

Imperfectly Yours,

Natalie

Stop Your Whining. You Aren't Being Chased by a Dinosaur

Featured in the Lakeshore Weekly News

Despite the technology that exists to make our lives easier than ever, we are running around and stressing ourselves out more than we ever have. How could this be in an age when we can pay bills in minutes through an app on our phone, without needing to write out checks, address envelopes etc?

We no longer need to go to the library to research how to build a chicken shed, we can google it. When we want to find a good restaurant, we don’t need to call 5 friends we turn to Yelp or Open Table.  No one in our community is walking three miles up hill in the snow to get to school.

So why is it that I’m seeing friends, family and community members more stressed out than ever? We do not live in a world where we need to out-run dinosaurs on Water Street in Excelsior. We aren’t having to hunt and farm as our only food source in Chanhassen, nor are we dying of infections which modern antibiotics can cure, or fresh water our of taps in our households can prevent.

Try explaining to the starving, dying people in a third world country with no modern medicine or fresh water, why countless numbers of Americans are dying of obesity.

Try explaining to children playing kick the rusty can in the dirty streets of Calcutta how stressed out you are about having to run three kids around in your SUV to three different sporting events on the same day.

I’m guilty of this, so know that I’m not judging anyone. If anything I’m writing this as a reminder to myself of how thankful and appreciative I should be to live in the world I live in today.

Recently I had strep, which is no fun for a child, but is a full blown nightmare for an adult. Thankfully I was able to walk into Target, get a strep test and a prescription for antibiotics. I was also able to pick up over the counter medicine to help keep me comfortable. Can you imagine living in a world (as many do) with no access to medical care or modern medicine for something like strep, or the flu?

Most of us don’t have unlimited financial resources, but we are still much more privileged than most of the world. I drove the same car for ten years. Many will never own a car.

I found myself getting overly annoyed with the geese in our yard. I live on the dang water! Many people would trade places with me if it meant putting up with pesky geese that crap in the yard.

I’m not saying we have no right to ever be upset or stressed. I’m saying I think many of us have lost or let slip away what is truly important. What sometimes slams that home to us is loosing someone close to us, or knowing someone dealing with a terminal illness. Now those are problems.

Having your nail technician running 15 minutes late is not a problem. Having to wait 20 minutes to be seated at your favorite restaurant is not a problem or a reason to get in a huff.  Having your child not get the lead in the school play is not a problem.  Your child not having the latest iPhone is not a problem.

A child who doesn’t have a winter coat, that is a problem. An individual without access to needed medical care, that is a problem. A mother having to choose between feeding her children or keeping the lights on, that is a problem.

These are problems we have in and around our own community. This is why we need to continue to support organizations like ResourceWest and the ICA Food Shelf.

This is why we need to check ourselves the next time we are complaining about how stressed we are because we are leaving on vacation to Hawaii in four days and just can’t get everything done.

The next time you are feeling overwhelmed and you feel the need to complain or whine ask yourself, do I have a safe place to sleep, healthy food to eat and friends and family who love me, am I being chased by a dinosaur? If you have those things and a T-Rex is not on your heels, sit down shut up and bask in the glow of everything you are grateful for.

Imperfectly Yours,

Natalie